Living in Blue and Green

One happy moment

Sean's POV

I drove away from marks house having no clue what I was doing. I parked in an empty parking lot where nobody was. I thought I was out of that stupid slump! I love Sam I do. But hate hearing how I'm taking her away from her family. She even admitted herself that she hates living so far away. But I can't just move. I have my office there, and Brighton is a beautiful place for Beth to grow up. I don't know if I'm mad or sad or... I don't even know. Marriage is so hard. It's not all happy times. But I'm not questioning it this time, god can't I have one happy moment with Sam. Without being constantly paranoid. And she is probably going to get worried cause I left shit man, I keep making mistakes and I can't stop them. I would never leave Sam as I've said many times before and I'm not taking a break cause last time that happened I broke down on stage, once again making Sam worried. What am I doing wrong? Why do I keep having to question marriage is for me? Ethan and haven seem to have it all figured out. Sure they fight here and there, but they don't do it every other day. One good moment that's all I ask for. God speaking of haven, she is probably mad cause o left Sam with our four kids. I swear I don't mean to make people angry, honestly I don't. I wish I could talk to someone, but no one knows what I'm going through. See that's another thing I do, I worry about myself before my family, I'm some father. I'm not a good person, that's what I have concluded over the many deep thinking moments. It's the same every time. Me being worried that I'm a bad husband/father. Me wondering what I can do better. Me questioning if I'm depressed or crazy. Me wanting someone to talk to. And every time I come back, trouble happens. Someone ends up crying. I am still in that slump and I can't get out of it. What can I do anymore? I'm not me anymore. I'm like a robot. I make Sam laugh once in a while. Other than that, I do the same thing everyday. Record me playing video games, edit them, talk to Sam, take care of the kids, then go to bed. Where is the energetic jackaboy I used to be? Where did he go? Now I'm making myself sound like I have alter egos, that's not the case I swear. Am I depressed? Is that what's happening? I face palm and look at myself in the rear view mirror. Bloodshot eyes, hair faded, I barely even recognize myself. I thought about how I saw haven and Sam crying because she had to leave. I thought about the time haven yelled at me saying I took her little sister away from her. I thought about how she was yelling at haven about how much of a terrible husband I am. I thought about seeing Sam cry for the first time. And how many times I have seen her cry since. I finally snap out of my deep thought to see it is now dark outside. Better get back and face what punishment is to come.

Sam's POV

I looked at Finn shocked. I can't believe that he decided to tell me that he is gay. There is nothing wrong with that but isn't this a dad and mom talk type deal?

"Finn being gay doesn't mean your a disappointment. You can be whoever you want to be, except for a murderer, and everyone would still love you. Think about Joey and Daniel or Shane and ryland. They are happy. That's all we want for you is for you to be happy. Whether that be with a girl or a boy or nobody. We love you for you Finn." I smiled.

"Really? But what about dad? He will be mad because I won't be the manly son he wants." Finn said wiping his eyes.

"It's Ethan we are talking about. He plays video games and got his makeup done once and is probably the least manly person you will ever meet. Besides Sean of course." I said which made Finn laugh.

"Thanks auntie, I'm glad I can talk to you." Finn smiled and hugged me.

"You're welcome buddy. But you do know you can also talk to your mom and dad. You are going to have to tell them." I said hugging him back.

"I will eventually but what I need now is sleep." Finn smiled and let go of me.

"Good, now if you excuse me I have to go find your uncle." I said standing up.