Alone

Chapter 21

Mabel's POV

So, I did the last thing I ever thought I would do. I spilled my guts to my year long abuser. I told him everything I wanted to talk about and everything that's been hurting me. Including him.

And you know what, he listened. He actually listened to me. When I talked about missing Dipper, he didn't get mad and tell me I couldn't see him. When I talked about my cuts and suicidal thoughts, he didn't yell and say I was his and wasn't allowed to kill my self. When I talked about him abusing me, he didn't try to defend himself. His expression remained balanced between blank and compassionate. He never argued with me or yelled. He just listened.

And that's exactly what I needed.

"I just, I miss them." I hugged my knees to my chest while sitting on my bed against the head board.

"Who's them?" Bill sat with his arms rested on his legs across from me.

"My family," I said quietly looking back up at him.

"Your family?" He raised an eyebrow

"Well, no... I miss Dipper." That's what he would do though. He knew my thoughts and my mind and could tell when I was lying to myself and would help me gather my thoughts together because he could read them easier than I could. "Yeah, I miss Dipper. We were just always together, and now..." I trailed off. "Now I'm alone." I almost choked out the words. I didn't want to say them because I didn't want them to be true.

He didn't respond, didn't try to tell me that I wasn't alone and I had him. Because he knew that he'd been telling me for the past year that I'm alone, and one way or another he's lying to me.

"I know," was all he said. It was silent for a moment until I finally spoke up and asked him what I've been wondering this whole time. And he knew it.

"Bill?" I looked down.

"Yes?"

"Why?"

"Why what?" he tried to sound like he didn't know, but he knew. I looked up at him.

"You know what." He bit his lip. I know he does. He was avoiding the question. He looked away and paused for a moment, trying to compose an answer. After a moment, he took a deep breath.

"I feel bad. And I don't know why." I looked back down at my lap. I didn't know what I expected him to say, but it wasn't this. And at the same time, it was. "I'm a demon," he continued. "I'm not supposed to feel things like guilt, compassion, empathy... love." He said the last one under his breath so I couldn't hear, but I did. And I wasn't expecting that answer.

What!

"Maybe it's because I was in your mind, or maybe it's because I'm getting my power from you, or maybe it's... something else." I felt my heart speed up. "But whatever it is, I just feel bad, terrible even, for what I did. And I feel like I need to make up for it." he finished and I kept my head down and stayed silent.

How am I supposed to respond to my abuser apologizing?

"Mabel?" I looked up at him using my name for the second time today.

"Yes?" He looked at me for a moment. And he was... blushing? Since when does Bill Cipher blush? He looked nervous. Wait, what is he-

Before I could finish my thought, reached up and put a hand behind my neck. I stared at his eyes, too caught up in the moment to realize what was happening. He leaned in, and I couldn't help but lean into him as well. His gaze trailed to my lips while mine remained locked on his eyes. Without another thought, he pulled me in and brushed his lips on mine before locking them in.

It wasn't even surprising at this point, though I couldn't think straight. I moved my lips in sync with his. It was nothing like what he used to do back when he was in my mind, the forced raping kisses. This one was gentle. It wasn't extremely passionate, it wasn't harsh, or rushed. Just... gentle.

And I melted into it.

If I had a year, I couldn't come up with the reason I was kissing him back, or why I wanted this, or why it felt right to be giving this to him after what he did to me. But here I was, kissing him back.

The kiss never deepened, which I was grateful for. But it did slow, which I was equally grateful for. It wasn't until I finally pulled back for air that he took his hand from the back of my neck.

I stared at him, at a loss for words. And it seemed he was too. His blush had only gotten worse, and it looked like he was shaking a bit. I was sure my face had turned a shade of red as well. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find anything to say.

"Was- are you- is this- did I-" he kept stuttering. "Are you okay?" I stared at him. I stared at Bill being flustered for probably the first time in his existence. I stared at him. Still stunned that he would do that, or ask if I was okay after. This was the same demon who beat me for saying the wrong thing to my brother. This was the same demon who countlessly raped me. This was the same demon who was holding me hostage and still causing anxiety attacks. This was the same person I thought I hated. So why, after all, he's done, did I give him this answer?

"Yes."