On Tour

Chapter 61

I just can't sleep, I've tried everything, remedies, tea, counting sheep, snuggling with my husband, nothing works. I roll my eyes and I softly toss Josh's tattooed arm off my waist, his hair flutters from the wind of our fan. I kiss his pink cheek and tip toe out of the bedroom. I look down at my FitBit and sigh, "3:42am?" I mutter. I roll my eyes and in a last effort to fall asleep, I walk into Amara's room and hear her tiny wittle snores. I plop myself down on the grey recliner and listen to her sleep, I close my eyes, but then realize trying to fall asleep is useless. I open my eyes, and plug in her seashell nightlight so I can see around the room. I look on top of the dresser and see a green composition notebook with a perky white bow on top. I weakly stand up and grab the notebook, and then slouch right back down on the chair. "Hmmph," I exclaim, I open the first page and see a handwritten note that states, "Dear Lillian,
You know I couldn't leave Amara's party without giving you a gift! So here I leave this 200 page notebook, sturdy, and ready for use. Being a mother is hard! And trying to teach your little girl all the life lessons in life is hard, trust me, I know. I'm doing this for my daughter and it's helps me as well. Use this as your everyday journal, so therefore when your old and gone, or when you just need a time to get out, you can give this notebook to your daughter and she can read it and learn from it. And you can get other notebooks and date them, and number them in order if you'd like. It's a fine idea, it's your choice if you'd like to follow it or not. >,<
Sincerely, Anonymous Giver ;)"
Well Hell, I'm tired, nothing to do, why not? I open to the second page, I lean over and grab a pigmented, blue, ink pen off the dresser and lean back into my chair and begin to write.
"Dear Reader,
See what I did there? I'm writing to you, the person who's reading this currently, you could be my kids, my parents, my friends, maybe even a stranger. I guess I'll start writing in this, this journal, everyday. It's not a diary, let's get that straight, it's strictly a journal. Here's some small details to know about me before we jump right in, I have a daughter Amara who's one year old. My husbands name is Joshua Dun, that's right, thee Josh Dun, how'd he ever fall in love with me, well, the world may never know. My best friend's are Katie, Tyler, and Jenna. I have 3 siblings, 2 younger, one older. It's the year 2017, I was born October 8th, 1992 and I'm 24 years old. That's the main backstory of my life so far, so today I cannot sleep, and the reason I cannot sleep is because someone with CPS (child protective services) is coming to make sure the house is child proof in about five hours and I'm physicked. I'm sitting in the elephant themed nursery currently, listening to Amara's baby snores, my god she's the cutest thing." Unsure of what to write next, I set aside the pen and notebook and snuggle up to my oversized sweatshirt. I close my eyes and softly speak, "Hey Amara, I uh, I know your can't hear me, and I know you cannot understand me, and I know this is seemingly useless, but I need you to listen so I can keep my sanity in tact. Whatever happens tomorrow, and whatever happens in court in a few days. I want you to know I love you, and I will do anything to protect you. That, that, 'thing' that gave you life, is a monster, regardless, and that DOSENT make you one, I need you to know that. It's not 'in your blood', or 'your fate' to end up like him so don't ever think that of yourself. Also.. bad luck seems to follow me, so I need you to know that I believe you are strong enough to live, even if I die young, you can move on and go places with your life, and I know you can. I want you to grow up to BE somebody, I want people to know your name, you don't have to be famous like me and your dad are, I hope to make your life as normal as possible. I don't know where I'm going with this to be honest Amara, I'm so, so tired, but I can't fall asleep. I guess this is the kind of stuff I should be writing down. But then again instead of putting 'Dear Reader' in my title, I'll put 'Dear Amara' so you know it's directed at you."
"Mummmmmmm, ma!!!!! Mom *baby wails" My eyes flutter open, what a great wake up call. I cringe and rub my eyes and shake my head a bit, I must've passed out last night. SHIT! What time is it?! Suddenly super awake, my head bolts to the clock on the wall, "7:30?!" I yell, we only have a half an hour! "JOSH!" I scream, my heart racing. I suddenly rush to clean Amara's room and put sanitizers and stuff on high shelves. "WHAT?!" He yells, running into the room. I point to the clock, throwing away wrappers into the small trash bin, "7:30? ITS 7:30!" He yells, realizing the significance of the time. He grabs Amara out of her crib and puts her on the changing table, while I rush over to her crib and neaten it up. I whip open her drawer and find something cute for her to wear. I throw it at Josh and run into the kitchen, rushing the cleaning process.
       *DING DONG "Josh!" I quietly yell, he rushes into the room, and he tosses me Amara. He starts to walk to the back entrance, and before leaving the kitchen, he takes a deep breath and then struts his way towards the back door. I lean against the counter causally, tickling Amara so she giggles, and I take a deep breath myself. I hear Josh greet the lady and start conversation with her, that's the good thing about Josh, he can strike up a convo with anyone, in fact-, my minds rambling, never mind. The conversation gradually moves closer to us, and in walks Josh and a short brunette who looks about to be 40. "Hello Dear, and this must be Amara, hi little girl!" She says, smiling at Amara. She starts eyeing up the kitchen and her eyes meet our knives in our knife set. "Hmmm, those seem to be quite close to the edge." She says, chuckling a bit. Please be a joke, please be a joke, please be a joke...