Underlying Hunger ✓

Chapter 19

The next few mornings are the same; it's like clockwork.

I wake up, yet I still feel like I'm in a state of sleep. My brain is fogged and I don't feel anything.

The first morning after... everything, is the worst. My mom asks me if I'm okay. I of course don't respond. She can tell something is up, but doesn't push it. I've never known if that was a bad thing or a good thing.

When I was a kid and I came home crying, my mom would rush to my care. Being the independent person that I was, I'd tell her I was fine and that I didn't need any help. Everything I said was a secret cry for help. I wanted her to stay, to talk to me, to take care of me. Instead, she walked away. I shouldn't have been mad, she obeyed what I asked, but I couldn't help but have been angry. What type of mother leaves their child alone and crying? Maybe just mine.

These past four days I've been on autopilot. Going through my morning routines without feelings. I wake up monotone and continue throughout the day that way.

Yesterday and today have been school days, but I told my mom I didn't feel well. With the way I've been acting, she believed me instantly.

I wasn't lying. I truly didn't feel well; it just wasn't physical. Some emotional wounds are worse.

Chris has called and texted me hundreds of times, but I ignore each and every one of them. She'd be disappointed to see her 'friend' like this. I couldn't call myself her friend, not with how cold I've been acting towards her.

"Genna!" My mom calls me from downstairs. I quickly rinse my face, since I had been washing it, and go downstairs. She's bustling around the room probably looking for her keys. I see them on the table, grab them, and put my hand in the air. I wait for her to notice me instead of telling her I have them. I don't know why, but I feel like if I say anything, I'll explode right then and there. I'm a bomb.

"Oh thanks, Genna," I nod at her as she walks towards the garage door. She turns around and says, "I don't know what's wrong, but please do something about it. You're even putting me in a bad mood and it's not even my problem!" She chuckles. "When I get back there better be a smile on her face" She awaits some sort of motion that resembles recognition. I don't give her one. Who am I to make a promise I know I'll break?

She just sighs and walks out the door, flashing me back to last night. Get it together, Genna! I've tried so damn hard to push away my emotions for the last three days and I won't let all of that turn to nothing.

I sit at the table, hands clasped tightly together, for what feels like forever, yet it's only been two hours. Time goes slow nowadays.

A knock at the door pulls me out of my thoughts. A shiver goes down my spine at the thought of having to talk to another human being. My own mother was hard enough, and I didn't even say anything to her.

I walk to the door and open it. My knight in shining armor is standing on my front porch.

I wave at Blake, not trusting my voice.

"Hey, how are you?" You can tell he's genuinely concerned, so I step to the side and let him in. I don't know why I did. How are we supposed to talk if I'm too hurt to?

Blake walks in and looks around, I don't think he's been inside before.

He gets comfortable on one of the kitchen chairs and folds his arms.