Underlying Hunger ✓

Chapter 19.5

GENNA: 2:24 am

It's that time of night again; when I can't fall asleep, but my eyelids beg me to. I'm numb inside out and there's no reasoning behind it. I had a great day, but I. just. can't. feel

Sleeping is supposed to be an escape. I should be able to lay down, close my eyes, and forget anything that's been happening. But tonight, like most nights, I missed my chance. The hopes and dreams that continued on and on until there was nothing more are now out of my reach. I'm forced to sit here and revel in everything, but nothing at the same time.

Feelings of quiet are disrupted by the buzzing of my phone. My notifications that are supposed to make me feel happy, make me feel included, make me feel wanted... don't do anything for me. The 'friends' that beg for my attention aren't worthy of it. This constant need to be noticed doesn't end at me. There are billions of other people their little message has been sent to. I guess I'm just lucky enough to be one of them.

I can't help but feel like they don't mean anything. Even if someone texted me, sent me a snapchat, or liked my post nothing helps the gears in my head keep turning. They've frozen over and no amount of social [media] interaction will fuel a big enough fire to start them back up again.

The music flowing one ear and out the other doesn't even strike a chord within me. The songs that play reflect my mood. Why play depressing music? Why not put on something happier to cheer yourself up?

What's the point? Just because there's more beats in a song doesn't mean it'll make my heart skip one.

My feelings, or lack thereof, aren't any to be taken credit for. You aren't the reason that I stay awake at night with a blank expression across my face. You hurt me, but that doesn't mean I'm hurt because of you.