Second Thoughts, Third Thoughts

Trente-trois

I like it when it rains,

Because I'm not so alone when I cry.

I like the night, 

Because no one is there to see me crying,

Or to hear my sobs

Or feel my pain.

I like it when I can be sure I am alone,

So there is nobody to catch me in my moments of weakness-

One of the few times I can't manage to find a smile to hide the pain.

It's like they say,

It's amazing how much a smile can hide.

But sometimes I can't find the smile anywhere,

And my words aren't enough to convince people I'm okay.

But when people ask if I am alright,

It hurts the most when I can't tell them that I'm not okay.

I can't ask for help

When theres nobody to listen.

And nobody will help if I don't ask.

But I can't ask.

I'm lonely,

While everyone around me has their best friends and lovers.

Walking down the streets,

I see best friends hugging.

People kissing,

Laughing.

Happy.

Loving.

I have no one. 

I don't belong here,

I don't belong anywhere,

Because i am alone.

Alone in the world.

I want someone,

Someone to wipe away the tears

And kiss the scars.

Someone to hold me when it gets too much.

And, especially,

Someone who would care

If I died.