Cant Let go (Janoskians)

Chapter 13: Tour

*5 Days later*

*Caitlin's pov*

Today was the start of the tour we fly to London today, we all spent the night at the boys house so we could just leave from there, right now we are currently on the plane, we still have 7 hours till the plane lands. jet lag is going to be a bitch. I was sitting In between Beau and Luke beside Luke was James and then Jai, Emily, Karenna and Daniel were behind us I put my head on Luke shoulder and soon fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of talking, "I'm sorry I can't tell you" I heard Beau say, "if somthings wrong with her I want to know, Beau I need to know whats going on" Luke said I kept my eyes shut hoping they wouldn't notice I was awake. "its not my place to tell you, when she's ready she'll tell you" Beau replied I knew what it was about and didn't want it to go further so I started shifting making them think I'm waking up witch made then quite the conversation, "hey, good sleep?" Luke smiled looking down at me "not really" I laughed. "are we almost there" I added. "yeah, just another hour" Luke said. I looked over at James and saw him sleeping, I looked behind us and so was the rest of the group. for the next hour Me, Beau and Luke just played random games until the plane landed. Once we got to the airport Ronnie told us we won't be in a hotel we will be on the tour bus most of the tour so we had to go straight to the tour bus. Once we got to the tour bus everyone put there stuff away and now we were sitting down,the boys were playing Fifa while Me, Emily and Karenna walked into the back room to catch up. "So what's going on with you and Jai" I smirked asking Karenna causing her to blush "I'm not sure to be honest, like we do all the couple stuff but he hasn't official asked me to be his girlfriend so I don't know" She replied sounding disappointed I decided to leave it at that because I didn't want to push it. We talked alot about Emily and Daniel until Emily said "We have talked alot about us, is there anything you haven't told us" yes, im secretly cutting again!! I didn't want to tell her that but that's what came into my head "No not really" I said forcing a smile. "tomorrow is the first show of the tour what are you guys planning on wearing?" I asked moving away from what Emily asked. "Not sure, why don't we all wear dresses" Karenna suggested "that's a great idea" Emily smiled. "uhm Yeah i don't know" I said looking at the girls "why you love wearing them when we go to things like that why not now" Emily asked looking confused. I guess I could wear one just a long sleeve one finally i gave in and the girls all gave me a big hug. "I'm gonna quickly go take a shower" Karenna said standing up walking over to the bathroom. when Karenna made it to the bathroom Emily turned to me with sad eyes I gave her a confused look until she spoke. "there's something wrong and your not telling me" She said "I'm fine" I said simply "no your not have you started cutting again" Emily whispered "no, in fine" I said getting annoyed "Caitlin, I know something's wrong" She said looking at me. "HONESTLY EMILY CAN YOU JUST FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONE FUCKING MINUET GOD YOU PISS ME OFF STOP PUSHING ME IF SOMETHINGS WRONG ILL TELL YOU JUST DROPP IT" I yelled she looked taken back at my sudden outbursts but she had it coming she just doesn't know when to stop, this isn't the first time I have don't this to her but its her own fault she just always pushes me I had enough and walked out if the room we were currently in and walked to where the boys were, they were all looking at me so most Likely they heard me yell at Emily "sorry for disturbing your little FIFA game" I mumbled they didn't say anything but turned back to the game except for Beau he got up and walked towards me "list-" Beau said but before he could talk I cut him of "no, I need those razors, where are they" I whispered to Beau looking him dead in the eyes, "Why do you need them?" he asked "well first off all you took both not Brocken and Brocken razors, I don't give a shit just give me them I need to shave my legs" he gave me a look before walking over to his suitcase in the back and giving me them. I looked down and they were not Brocken. fuck. well I have to shave my legs anyways. once Beau was with the boys I went over to my suitcase taking out sweatpants and a jumper for after my shower. but when I was about to leave I heard "Caitlin, in sorry I didn't mean to push I was just worried" "don't worry about it" I said turning to Emily she smiled and gave me a hug I walked to the bathroom. Karenna was already done so I walked in and locked the door i couldn't help myself but break down. I took off my cloths and stepped into the hot shower. with my razor on the side I quickly washed my hair and shaved my legs once I was done I broke the razor and couldn't help but cut into my arm, it felt so good to do it again I haven't done it for 5 days because Beau took them away from me. I sat on the floor of the shower with the water coming from above me, washing away the blood, "Are you done in there" someone said knocking on the door I quickly shut off the shower and dried my self "yeah, ill be out in a minuet" I said I threw on my sweatpants and oversize jumper and put my hair into a pony tail, it was close to being dry because I dried most of it with the towel.