Legend of the Athanadra: Astrape: by FUZZILIN
Remember, these are my opinions, and feel free to argue with or agree with me on any points I make.
First, let's start with the introduction. Both the prologue and the first real chapter are good. They illustrate a well done picture of the world that you have built and what is going on. We see what I'm guessing is the main antagonist and protagonist. A nice sense of adventure is portrayed, and works well into the rest of the story.
The overall body is solid. Good pacing, correct grammar and spacing. The setting is, uh, set up in a well done way. We see this world of Upotia and Ashborne, seeing how it's supposed to be a perfect world when in reality there are plenty of unanswered questions that keep the reader guessing.
Now, one thing that I noticed was that the characters are kinda......bland. You set up Zea in chapter one, and her friend, but since you jump right into the action chapter one, there was no room to see her personality. There was no where to see her flaws, or how her relationship with the other characters are like. They just interact. Nothing that makes me go 'wow, her and her now hospitalized friend are obviously perfect friends for each other'. They just talk, then one is on the verge of death.
The only other thing I noticed was that I wouldn't have the MC describe herself. At least not in chapter one. I think that is something that can be worked in a little easier.
Summary:
Pros:
Basically the entire story is well done
Cons:
The characters feel boring
The describing of the MC in a brief, fast paragraph
So, if you want to ride dragons and fight for freedom, then come to Ashborne, and see what the world has to offer.
YOU ARE READING
Hood's Book Reviews (closed)
SonstigesWant your book reviewed with real critiques? Want votes from getting your book reviewed? Then request me to read your story, and I will give a review in a timely and fair manner. Closed for catch up
