The All-Seeing Eyes: by writergirl453
Remember, these are just my personal opinions. If you wish to argue against me, or agree with me, go ahead. This is just a review, nothing more.
So, the introduction is good. We understand who the characters are and what's going on in the town. We see Isabelle's and Miranda's curiosity about Archfiend Manor. It's a good start to the story.
Overall body. The first thing I notice is lack of spaces. When starting new dialogue, there needs to be a new paragraph. This helps the reader in terms of just simply processing what's going on. Writing in one giant paragraph is difficult to read. It also just looks unprofessional.
The grammar was good. Correct spelling and punctuation for the most part. The only thing I saw was lack of commas after a dialogue sentence. For instance, in chapter one "Alright class, that's it for today. Please be sure to grab your homework on the way out" Mr. Kennedy said should have a comma right after the word out. "......on the way out," Mr. Kennedy said.
The story overall was also very fast paced. By this I mean it was just kinda an info dump with no backstory or reasoning behind the actions. Why is there magic? What kind is it? Why would Isabella just join this Elena? Why does she even have magic powers? Miranda just has magic out of nowhere? Is the whole world aware of magic? Some of these could use either more explanation, or more chapters to go over them. A more steady pace of information helps the reader see your world as a whole.
That being said, the plot is different than anything I've ever read. There is a good mystery theme to it, which intrigued me. I liked the clever rhyming, and setting. I'm always a sucker for a fantasy book.
Summary
Pros:
Good introduction
Good grammar
Nice mystery theme and plot
Clever word play
Cons:
Lack of spacing for dialogue
No commas for dialogue punctuation
Very fast pacing
If you want to read a mystery thriller fantasy story, than this is the one for you. Original characters, interesting setting, and fun word play. Who knows what will happen at Archfiend Manor?
YOU ARE READING
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