The Sea's Lost Song by: eclubm2
Remember, these are just my opinions. Feel free to argue with or disagree with any points I make.
So let's begin with the introduction. While I like the introduction, I feel as though you could put Lia's age at another part in the chapter instead of the first sentence. It just seems like a better way to ease that information in. Otherwise the first chapter is pretty good. It sets up the world and Lia's life well, and we see the other main characters quickly enough.
The overall body is good. The grammar, spacing, and punctuation is okay for the most party. The main thing I noticed was that in your dialogue, a lot of the sentences end in periods, when it should be commas. I.e. "......then figure out who she is, and what to do." Jen answered should be, "......then figure out who she is, and what to do," Jen answered.
I also think there are some spots that are over defining or describing. Like when saying something is approximately a hundred feet is a little unnecessary. No one really cares about distance that much unless it's crucial to the story. And just really the super small things don't need to be included.
Summary:
Pros:
Good introduction
Good grammar, spelling, and punctuation
Well paced
Cons:
The placing of some information
The over description of little things
If you think you can find the Sea's lost song, and are brave enough to discover what it might hold, the explore the Sea's Lost Song. And hope to find what your searching for.
YOU ARE READING
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