Annabelle 3 : Bloodlines by: indiedreamer95
Remember, these are just my opinions. Feel free to argue with or agree with any points I make.
Let's begin. While the prologue and first chapter are good, I feel as though you could introduce the characters and their characteristics a little slower, instead in just one large paragraph. Developing characters is a process, and working them over the story is part of the story telling. Otherwise the introduction is fine.
The overall body does have some issues. Mainly within the dialogue. There are multiple instances question marks being outside the quotation marks. Those need to be on the inside. Also there need's to be commas after dialogue sentences. i.e. "Yes"? said Lucia needs to be "Yes?" said Lucia. And "No" said Lucia needs to be "No," said Lucia.
There's also a lot of switching between past and present tense.
The horror aspect was fine. I was defiantly spooked.
The characters though to me felt a little forced. Maybe it was just how quickly Tara and Aidan were added to the story and their overall importance to the plot. IDK, I guess that might just be a personal opinion.
Summary:
Pros:
Good intro
Correct grammar and spelling
Horror
Cons:
The dialogue issue
The switching of tenses
Forced characters
If you loved Annabelle, and want more, then read of her bloodlines and hope it isn't dark out when reading this.
YOU ARE READING
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