Hidden Feelings

•Chapter 36•

AMEIAS POV
I silently walked up the path and turned around every minute or so to make sure Owen wasn't following me. I've really messed up now. All I do is run away and push him away. I won't even talk to him. I feel awful because I've just put him through so much and when it gets hard I run away. He's called me multiple times and I ignored them. I got to Derek's from porch and knocked on the door. I whipped my eyes before he opened the door. He opened the door with Zola.
"Uh hey, Owen's not coming can I crash here? I can still watch them," I said.
"Yeah," he said, "hey what's happened?"
"It's a mess I don't wanna talk about it," I said.
"Did he do something?" Derek asked.
"No it's me," I said.
"Okay," he said. I put my bag in my old bedroom and I picked Zola up.
"Are you staying with us?" She asked.
"For a little bit yeah," I said.
"Yay!" She said. I kissed her head and Meredith came downstairs.
"Derek?" I asked.
"Yeah?" He said.
"Don't tell Owen I'm here," I said.
"Okay," he said.
"What happened?" Meredith asked.
"I don't wanna talk about it," I said.
"Okay," she said.
"And that's my problem," I said. Derek came over and hugged me.
"Just talk to him," he said.
"It's not that easy," I said.
"I know it's not easy to talk," he said, "but he deserves to know whatever is going on."
"That's the thing, he knows and I ran," I said.
"Can you tell me?" He asked.
"Later," I said.
"Okay," he said.
"Anyway you have work," I said.
"Yeah," he said, "Can you promise me one thing?"
"Sure," I said.
"Don't do drugs," he said.
"I won't," I paused, "promise."
"Okay I love you," he said.
"Love you too," I said.
-
The kids were super good and they always get my mind off of things. Bailey wanted to play soccer so we did that for a while. Then Zola wanted to play dolls, and then we watched TV for Ellis. I love them so much. I felt my phone buzz and it was Owen.
"I'll be right back okay?" I said.
"Okay," they said. I got up and hit accept. I waited for him to say something.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"Me too," I said, "but I need space and time I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I just want to know you're okay," he said.
"I'm okay," I said.
"I'm sorry for forcing you to talk," he said.
"It's fine," I said.
"It's not," he said.
"It is what it is, I said what I needed to say," I said.
"Okay," he said.
"I gotta go, I love you," I said.
"I love you too," he said. I hung up and shut my phone off. I walked back out and Ellis was asleep. I picked her up and put her in her crib. Bailey and Zola wanted to play games. We played a couple games and Bailey was sleepy.
"I tired," he said.
"Wanna go to bed?" I asked.
"Yes," he said sleepily.
"Okay," I smiled. I picked him up and kissed his head. I tucked him in bed and Zola was on the couch.
"Tired?" I asked.
"No," she giggled.
"Okay, but you have to go to bed soon," I said.
"Okay," she said. After a while she fell asleep and I carried her upstairs. I walked down the stairs and thought of Owen. I sat down and had my phone in my hand. I had his number pulled up. I hit call and waited for him to answer. I needed to tel him something. It went to voicemail and I decided to call again. He didn't answer and I left him a message.
"I love you, I'm happy with you, you make me happy, you're not the reason why I'm depressed, I'll get help, I promise," I said and hung up.
OWENS POV
Amelia kept calling and I let it go to voicemail. She said she wanted space so I didn't even listen to her voicemail. I found her computer on the table. I opened it and she had five tabs open about depression. I slammed it shut and started crying. It was right infront of me and I didn't know. I decided to go for a walk. I needed to clear my head. As I was walking back someone pulled up. It looked like Derek's car. He got out and saw me.
"I need to talk to you," he said.
"If it's about Amelia I don't care," I said.
"Owen," he said.
"She won't even talk to me so why do you think I'll know anything," I said.
"She told me she told you something," he said, "what did she say, is she okay?"
"No she's not," I said, "she has depression." I slammed the trailer door and went inside.
DEREKS POV
"No she's not," owen said, "she has depression." He went inside and slammed the trailer door. I got back in my car and drove home. I opened the door and Amelia was in the kitchen.
"Hey," she said.
"Can we talk?" I asked.
"About what?" She asked.
"About your depression," I said.
"You talked to Owen?" She said.
"I had to, you aren't talking," I said.
"It's really bad," she said, "I don't know what to do."
"How long?" I asked.
"2 months," she said, "its gotten worse, my therapist is trying to help but it's not working." She started crying. I wrapped my arms around her.
"I'm just angry and sad all the time, and I hate it," she said. I rubbed her back and she started sobbing.
"We can get you help," I said.
"I know," she said.
"That means you have to talk to us, or someone," I said.
"It's not easy talking to Owen," she said.
"Why?" I asked. We sat down and she sat across from me.
"It's not easy telling your future husband how you had sex with someone else," she said crying harder. I was silent for a moment. She was right.
"I'm scared he's going to judge me or something which I know he won't but," she said.
"Hey it's okay," I said.
"I want to talk to him, I do, and he makes it easy for me to, but I'm scared," she said.
AMELIAS POV
I finally opened up to Derek about why I can't talk to Owen and it actually felt good.
"Why don't you tell him that?" he said.
"I don't know," I said with tears streaming down my face. He got up and hugged me. When I stopped crying I said goodnight and walked into my old room. I closed the door and laid down on the bed. I stared at the ceiling. I thought about turning my phone on, but I didn't. I realized I forgot my computer at the trailer and I'm sure Owen already saw everything. I set an alarm for 4am so that I can meet Owen in the morning. I need to make this right.