Rule Four // c.h

Drunk

"Calum." I hissed. "What the fuck?" He had clearly been drinking, judging by how glazed over his eyes were.

"What the fuck nothing." He said with a scowl, slamming the door shut behind him and making me flinch a little. "Why are you still awake?"

"Because my stupid husband hasn't replied to my messages all day." I don't know what he was pissed about. If anyone should be angry, it should be me. "Where have you been Calum?"

"Doesn't matter." I scoffed as he went into the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge. I should've stopped him.

"Yes it does!" I was trying not to shout and failing. "Were you at work? At a bar? What's the matter with you Calum? Do you even remember what you promised yesterday night?" He scowled at me, unsteady on his feet.

"I have no idea, what you're fucking talking about." I was fuming. If he kept shouting, if we both kept shouting, we'd wake Carter. So I hushed him and he rolled his eyes.

"Well let me refresh your memory." I snapped at him in a half whisper. "You promised to explain yourself. You said you were sorry. You said that you would take Carter and I out for his birthday. Remember that? Remember how you missed your own sons birthday?" His eyes held a little more clarity than they did before but I didn't expect him to ask me this question. 

"Do you hate me?"He said it so quietly I thought I hadn't heard him correctly at first.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you hate me?" He said louder. I was going to hush him again but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Why would he even ask that? Why would I hate him?

"No Calum. I love you." I insisted. He was just drunk and insecure and vulnerable right now. All I had to do was reassure him of my love. He laughed darkly.

"Really? Because sometimes I hate me." I took a step towards him but he held his hand out to stop me, his beer bottle held precariously between his middle and forefinger. "I got you fucking pregnant at such a god damn young age." What? What the hell was he talking about? "I thought we'd have a couple of years to get settled after we married before we had a fucking kid..."

"Calum!" I said harshly but he just kept going.

"And now he's nearly old enough to go to school! We're in a fucking apartment we can barely afford and you've fucking lost your job!" He cried out. I hadn't lost my job. That's what I wanted to tell him but I was so shocked, so petrified by what Calum was saying right now. He has never acted this way before. "And lately I've been thinking that none of this would be happening, if we didn't have Carter in our lives." My heart felt like it was shattering inside my chest. Calum couldn't be saying this. He couldn't be wishing that our son was never born.

"Daddy.." Came a small voice. I gasped loudly, feeling my heart skip a beat as I whirled around to look at Carter. He was clinging to his teddy bear and had clearly heard every word out of his fathers mouth because right now... Right now he was crying.

"Baby, hey it's okay. Daddy didn't mean it." I said, bending down and reaching out for him. Carter was staring past me up at Calum though. He idolized him and if Carter really did understand what Calum just said... It was literally going to destroy him.

"Yes I do. Lily, if we didn't have Carter. Our lives wouldn't be fucked up right now." What was he even talking about! Nothing was wrong with our lives! My hands were shaking as I turned to look back at him. Carter was full on crying now and as I tried to find the words to comfort him and shut Calum up at the same time, he rushed into my arms so I could hug him.

"Stop it Calum." I finally managed to say. "Look what you've done. If you don't apologize right now I'll.." I didn't know what I would do. Carter was clinging to my shirt and I could feel Calum standing above me, his presence almost.. Menacing. I had never described Calum as like that before. Menacing. It made me shudder.