The Shadow

Chapter 8 (Hole In Your Soul)

"Hello, my son." she spoke in a tender voice, "It's been so long."

Paul stood frozen in his place, still facing John, who was staring back at him. The scene was almost cynical. He had been waiting for this time for so long, and now he was standing like brick, unable to turn around and face her.

"Why are you ignoring me Paul?" the voice was filled with pain, "You were asking for my visit, and this is what you do now?"

"Paul? What's going on?" John asked untouched by the woman's words. Paul opened his mouth to answer but was cut off.

"My son, look at me." she didn't need to say that again, for Paul turned around and looked up to the talking person.

"Mom." he stuttered. The world seemed to stop for a while and no one, not even John existed at the moment, but he and his mother. He focused on her face. A face he remembered since he remembered himself and not even a blemish could escape from him. She was the same, if not more beautiful. Untouched from time, and healthy. Not like her last days, when she was lying hopeless on her bed, weak and broken from the illness.

"You've grown up. And you've become a handsome young man." she smiled.

"Why did you leave us?" was all he mastered to say. It was foolish of him to ask but he did not care at the moment.

"It was not my choice. I'm sorry for leaving the three of you alone. Your father cares about you boys, he loves you for both of us now. And you got to help him too, for he is sad as well, and he needs your help Paul."

"Nothing is the same without you near."

"I'm always near."

"No, don't lie to me!" he raised his voice making her flinch back, "I would see you and you know that. Don't you give me that shit."

"You're right, Paul. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. But, let me tell you. It depends to you if you want me to be there or not."

"But I do want you to be with me." he frowned.

"I'll be there only if you truly need me. After all, it seems to me you have recently found someone to rely on." she raised her hand and pointed behind him.

"John can't replace you though."

"No, he cannot. But, he cares for you. Stop pushing away people just because they can't be me. Move on with your life." she walked forward and placed her hand on her son's shoulder sending a chill in Paul's system. "I have to go now. I love all three of you. Goodbye for now my Paulie." she stepped back slowly her form fading away.

"No! You can't just leave now. Now that I found you. Please. No." Paul said hopeless, stretching his hands out in despair. He kneeled down weakened, bringing his hands in front of his face to cover the undesirable tears slipping down his cheeks. He had her so close and then in an instant she was gone again. That was pure irony.

John approached behind him kneeling down next to him. Paul wished John would hug him in that moment. He craved for any sign of affection, and John was practically unable to offer such a thing.

"Your mother?" John asked slowly and received a nod as a short response, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Let's go. I want to get out of here."

***

Paul woke up early next morning, in the embrace of the warm comforter that the chip motel was offering. He slowly opened his doe eyes, automatically searching for John in the room. Last night, as long as he remembered, John had lied next to him, their shoulders untouched and Paul wrapped in the comforter while John seemed to feel too hot, or nothing, so he lied just like that besides.