Sanders Sides One Shots

For A Rainy Day

It was pouring out, there was nothing interesting about that. It rained all the time, it was a normal occurrence, so why did Logan feel like something wrong. Everything was normal or at least he thought it was maybe he had been too caught up in his own thoughts to  notice that Patton seemed off at dinner last night, maybe he had been too busy researching to realize that Patton wasn't at breakfast, maybe just maybe he had always been too busy with his own things to see how important Patton was until he left.

He spent the rest of the day looking for the source of his unease feeling, and sadly it took him an embarrassingly long time, like worse than when you're parent leaves you at the store and they go home levels of embarrassing, to figure out that Patton wasn't in any of his usual haunts.

He looked outside and his stomach clenched at the possibility that Patton was outside in the rain, but it was the only other option, so he grabbed an umbrella and walked outside, hoping that Patton was under a tree or something that offered even a semblance of protection from the storm.

The longer he walked the more his worry, Patton was nowhere to be found and the weather was getting worse causing his worry to grow until he was practically sprinting down the street, and that's when he saw him.

He was sitting on the side of the road, hunched over and shaking like a leaf in the wind. Logan ran over to him, glad that he had found Patton but worried about he would be out here during a storm.

"Are you ok?" Logan asked, concerning coating his voice.

Patton barely looked up as he responded, "Mmmhhhmmm,"

He was confused, this didn't match up when any logical solution he could come up with, expect one that he didn't want to think about. "Then why are you out here?" he asked.

"I don't know," Patton mumbled, this time he didn't even bother to look up.

"Pat," Logan replied his voice soft like a trusted friend comforting you.

Patton insisted "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," though he didn't sound like he believed it.

"But are you fine now?" Logan asked, hating how many questions he had has compared to the small almost infinitesimal amount of answers he had.

Patton avoided answering instead he said, "Logan please" his voice weak.

"No, I'm worried, this isn't normal," Logan insisted, afraid that he let Patton avoid the question things would just get worse.

Patton whispered, "You don't need to worry about me" his voice so small Logan strained to hear it.

"Just because I don't need to doesn't mean I won't," Logan replied, wondering why he cared so much that Patton was ok, it wasn't normal for him.

"Why now then?" Patton asked, sounding strangely bitter.

Logan's confusion grew as he asked, "What?"

Patton finally looked at Logan. "Why start to care about me now? You never have before," he explained his voice growing sharp.

"That's not true," Logan said, but even before he spoke he knew it was a lie.

"Really?" Patton scoffed, "How long did it take you to notice I was gone?"

Logan replied, "Pat" giving Patton all the information he needed.

"That's what I thought. Just go, it would hurt less than," Patton said, sounding defeated.

Logan asked, "What would hurt less? Are you injured? Should I take you to a hospital?" fear coiling around him.

"No, not physical," he replied with a sad smile.

Logan asked, "Then what is it?" He needed answers, he had no idea what to do without them.

Patton shook his head. "I can't tell you"

"Why not?" Logan asked, wondering when it had become so hard to have a conversation with Patton.

"Because," he paused, "I'm of afraid."

Logan respond"You have nothing to be afraid of," 

"I do, there is no way I can't be afraid of this," Patton replied, shaking his head sadly.

"Of what? What are you afraid of?" Logan asked, wanting to protect Patton and take all his fears away.

Patton answered, "Rejection? Heartbreak? I'm not entirely sure, maybe it's falling even more?" laughing sadly.

Logan furrowed his brows. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Nothing, nothing that you would understand anyway," Patton said, running his hand through his hair and wishing Logan would leave him wallow in his sadness.

"What do you mean, I'm the logical one, I understand everything," Logan replied, trying to mask his confusion. 

Patton responds "Not this cause if you did you wouldn't be here looking down on me and my feelings." his voice sharp and full of pain.

"I can sit down next to you if that helps." Logan offers, not understanding what was going on.

"No, that's not what I meant," Patton replies, the anger in his voice hiding defeated he is.

"Then what did you mean? Just tell me what's wrong!" Logan demands, tired of Patton beating around the bush.

"My world spinning because of you! I can't even look at you without my heart pounding, threatening to pop out of my chest. Being near you turns my fills my stomach with butterflies and twists it into knots. Every time you speak it's the only thing I can pay attention to. On the rare occasions even look at me I can die happy. The one time you listened to me, and even chuckled at one of my jokes, something I couldn't believe, it felt like I've blessed and cursed at the same time because you were there with me, actually paying attention to me something that felt impossible, but knew deep down that it wouldn't last. You would go back to ignoring me, and I would go back to pining after you. Do you know how much it hurts to be in love with someone who may never look at you and through you, let alone love you," His voice had started off angry, but the longer the went the more it sounded like he was breaking inside until he was sobbing, the rain combining with his tears.

Logan's voice is small as he says, "I didn't know."

Patton whispers, "How could, you always too busy," tears streaming down his face.

"I'm here now," Logan offers as a way of comforting the other.

Patton asks, "How long is now?" afraid of hope, of hoping that Logan would finally pay attention to him.

Logan answers, "I'm not sure. I'm so sorry I hurt you, that never my intention. I should have made time for you. I should have paid attention to you. If I could go back into the past and fix it I would, but I can't, I can't change the past. I can change the future though, and I promise it will be different I'll pay attention to you." his voice soft and comforting.

"Why?" Patton asks, in a disbelieving tone

Logan replies "Why what?" not understanding what Patton meant.

"Why do you care now?" Patton explains.

Logan bites his lip before responding, "I always have I just didn't know how to show it, so I busied myself to have a reason to stay away."

"I can't forgive you, not right away at least, you hurt me too much to just forgive you at the drop of the hat," he took a breath, preparing himself, "But I can give you a chance,"

"That's fine, it's more than I deserve," Logan replies, smiling gently at Patton.

Patton got up and walked back, Logan trailing after him, and as they walked the stormed lightened, it didn't end, but it was no longer pouring just raining, and one day the rain would stop completely.