a little fall of rain ≪jawyer≫

Not How I Wanted To Start This Relationship

Joey's POV

I look straight ahead and see the world upside down. Confused, I look around me and I realise the world isn't upside down. The crashed car I'm sitting in is. I begin to freak out, until I see Sawyer. Now, I've lost it. He's lying in the middle of the road, soaked in blood. I break one of the car doors off and I run to Sawyer. He's not breathing. I shake him. I yell at him. I sob on him. Nothing. He's dead. No final words. No beautiful send off. Just gone. Ripped away from me, as if he were a part of me. He is a part of me though, a huge part of me. Not a physical part of me, but an emotional part of me. Now that he has been torn away from me, I emotionally bleed to death.

And that's when I wake up.

Hot, sweaty and shaking, I wake up. Did I mention screaming? Because I cannot stop. Well, that is until Sawyer wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest. I breathe loud and deep.

"Shhhh, you're safe, you're fine. I'm..." He pauses. "You're here with me,"

"I couldn't think of..." I stop to take in another huge breath. "any place better."

He kisses me on the head. I calm down in his arms quicker then when I woke up in the hospital. With him I know I'm safe. With him I know I'm fine. I'm still on edge - but when am I not? - so I don't think I'll be sleeping again this morning. It's 4am. I wait for Sawyer to go back to sleep and I slip out his arms. Without him holding me I feel less safe, but I need to do something to preoccupy my thoughts. I walk downstairs and can hea-AH! Hitch, you scared me half to death! I try to silently tell Hitch to go back to bed, but he doesn't. Great. I walk around the bottom floor of the house to find something to do - Oh and Hitch is following me. Hmmm, anime? Not distracting enough. Gaming? Still not distracting enough. Got it! I'll read a book! That way I can lose myself in an entirely different world. What should I read? City of Bones, I haven't read this yet. I put on a small lamp and sit in the couch. I read City of Bones and I fall into this world of Shadowhunters and Downworlders, until I hear a strange noise. I look down at Hitch who's asleep next to me, it's not him. I have no idea where it's coming from or what it is, but it's really freaking me out. Okay, this is really creepy. I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. I put the book down and get up from the couch. I knock something off the couch. It smashes and I scream, loud, plus Hitch's barking.

"Joey?!" I hear upstairs. Crap. I woke Sawyer. He hurries down the stairs and switches the lights on. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just reading a book."

"A horror book?"

"Yes Sawyer, I screamed because of fucking words on a page. No of course not. Why are you on my back 24/7!? Can't you just fucking leave me be?!" I have no idea why but I was just so angry.

"Joey..." He looked stunned. Then I realised what I just said. I don't know where this anger came from, I especially don't know why I aimed it at him.

"I am so sorry Sawyer. I don't know where that came from." I stared crying.

Sawyer hugged me saying "I know, I understand." And I believe him.

We don't do a lot that day. We watched a few films, ordered some Chinese food and vlogged, saying that I was quite badly ill, not fatal, but I needed to spend some time at home and that Sawyer was taking care of me. When we got up to go to bed I felt really dizzy and got quite a headache, so I took some aspirin and went to bed.

Another nightmare. Is this what it's going to be like everyday because I don't know how much more if this I can take and I know Sawyer is exhausted. Not how I wanted to start this relationship. I feel so greedy and guilty. He holds me close again and I can feel his heart racing, he's worrying about me. How sweet. Oh my God, what is wrong with me? I need a Ron Weasley to tell me to sort out my priorities. I crashed the car, turning myself into a nut job and now anytime I have a problem (Which is going to be often) he's is going to worry. I'm causing him stress. His life would be so much better without me ... Lightbulb moment. But not a bright, shinning lightbulb. A dull, miserable lightbulb.

I have to leave Sawyer.

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Nooooooooo! Don't leave Sawyer! Why Joey, whyyyyyyy??? I am a right weirdo... I hope you liked this chapter, not one of the happiest with a very angry Joey. Damn. Kind of short, SORRY! Please vote, I know I haven't said to but please do it tells me you like the story, and feel more welcome to leave me comment! :) THANK you FOR reading!!!