Punk Direction (niall Horan Love Story)

*Chapter 37:

#Niall’s P.O.V:

As I drove towards the house, I couldn’t help but to feel empty. Why did I let the anger blind me? Why did I called her a slut? Why did I danced with that other girl? Why do I feel the need to hurt her before she hurts me?

It’s like I have t hurt her before she hurt me, because it’s inevitable. I think it’s inevitable that she hurts me. Someway, she would find out that I’m no good for her and dump me, and I would be left in the edge of a cliff, only to drop a second later when the words made sense to me. When she eventually breaks up with me, because it will happen, I’ll feel empty again.

Why did my stupid and already fragile heart had to fall for this girl. The girl which reflex in the window allows me to see she’s silently crying. All thanks to me and my stupid actions. She’s suffering because of me. Ignoring the pinching feeling in my heart, or trying to, I looked at the road that was now wet thanks to the sudden rain that started falling over London.

I held my head in my hand, my elbow supporting in the car door. How did this get so fucked up? And why? Why does my bad temper get in the way of things? Why can’t I get the stuff I want without trying so hard?

She was hard to get at first! I had to get beat up to get the girl in the end, and now… now I feel her… I feel her slowly slipping through my fingers. I lost my best friend because I didn’t try to resist his girlfriend. I lost my previous life because I didn’t try to fight back the hate I felt towards myself. I didn’t try to fight it, I just believed and put all the guilt in myself. Thanks to this girl I know it’s not my fault. Thanks’ to her, everything is better now.

My life, my heart, my soul, my mind… I haven’t feel lonely all this time she was with me. Now, I feel lonely again, like the connection we have was destroyed. I don’t want it to be destroyed, I want to get back to the way it was before, I want to cuddle her up at night, kiss her forehead and tell her I love her before she dozes off to a sleep where I hope she’s dreaming about me. I want her by my side, always.

There was a time where I thought she was a sorcerer. Through the rehearsals, and the meetings, and the shows, even through the family reunions, she was all I thought about. I couldn’t concentrate right and I messed up innumerable tries to get the songs right, the guys almost beat me up thanks to that one. Through the meeting we had to talk about contracts, and what we wanted our songs to be like, or the appeal of the perfume or the CD… I lost it. I said her name countless times without noticing it, only when one of the guys elbowed me I would widen my eyes and realize what I said, only to repeat it a few minutes later. I was mocked a lot by them. In the shows I would just keep in the corner, carefully quiet s I wouldn’t say her name out loud, especially when singing Diana… that required more of my attention. When giving autographs, I was hit on by plenty of girls who hoped I was still single. Most of them gorgeous to make your chin drop to the ground. But her face was all I could ever see, probably because the girls hitting on me were covered with makeup, and my princess didn’t need that to be gorgeous.

I can’t help but to feel hopeless, like the very first thing that made me happy in these last two years is fading away with the wind that’s blowing outside. When making a curve, I noticed the car coming towards us, and I didn’t have time to move.

I only let go of the wheel and pulled Johanna into my arms, protecting her head between my arms. As a reflex, her legs surrounded my waist and I tightened my grip on her.

“I…” I was so sure I wanted those to be my last words…but the impact occurred first, stopping my words from coming out thanks to the highly strength of the impact.

My head went forth, but I applied all my strength back, making sure she wouldn’t fall. The act almost made my neck break, I could feel it. Glass shattering everywhere, the smell of something burning and smoke everywhere. It all was there, but I’m fine, expect for the impact my head suffered when hitting against the seat. That made me wanna pass out, but I didn’t allow myself to do so. And then I looked down…