Another Round (Taylor Hawkins Fan Fiction)

Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Two Weeks Later – September

If there is anything that I have learned about my crazy life, is to never get too settled in. Just when things seem to fall back in place again, there is always something that comes along to stir things up. It’s been a couple of weeks since my anemic incident and since Gianna lost the baby. We set up an appointment with a geneticist that her doctor recommended for us. We are set to see him later today and as always, I’m a bundle of nerves.

“Do you want to go surfing?” Taylor asks, emerging from my bedroom, and it’s like he’s reading my mind.

“Yes,” I exhale. “Definitely.”

We change into our wet suits and drive to the beach. With the slight change in the season, there have been fewer visitors recently, which has been nice. We’ve been able to hit up some of the more popular beaches without getting bombarded by huge crowds. We go our separate ways, each riding in different waves. I’m glad that Taylor left me alone for a little while. The great part about being friends for so long is that we can decipher what kind of mood the other is in. It’s nice not having to tell someone to leave you alone, that they already know to.

Taylor can tell that I have a lot on my mind. He has gratefully let me have some space the past few weeks. As much as I adore him and the company that he brings me, it’s been nice to be by myself without feeling guilty that I’m not spending time with him. I’m glad that he gets it. I’m glad that he gets me. It brings me great relief to know that he’s always there if I need him. 

We pack up our things, returning to my house. I make a pot of coffee while Taylor showers and take a seat out on my patio. Lost in thought, I hardly hear the sliding door open and shut. He sits down beside me, a cup of coffee in hand.

“Are you alright?” He asks gently.

“Yeah, just a lot on my mind.” I talk quietly and slowly, allowing my eyes to wander into the landscape.

“As I can imagine. I am always here to talk if you need me.” He shifts his weight in his chair causing me to look over at him. “You can’t keep things bottled up.”

I hate when he’s right. As much as I like to be lost in my own bubble, I know that I need to let him in and to let him be apart of my emotional stability. I smile at him and nod my head. I look out onto the horizon again, mustering up the strength to tell him what I’ve been holding in for so long.

“Okay, “ I find myself whispering. “There is something…that I want to tell…or I guess…talk to you about.”

He gives me a reassuring smile, allowing for me to continue.

“Well, it’s about Josiah. I hope I don’t scare you off.” I laugh nervously.

“You will never scare me off.” He states matter-of-factly, smiling.

“It pains me to admit this, but Josiah wasn’t always the most adoring person. From a young age, he was plagued with mental illness. He was never formally diagnosed, but suffered from frequent mood swings and panic attacks. He never felt “safe” anywhere. He was always on edge. He could never just sit down and relax.”

Taylor’s eyes soften almost immediately. I take a deep breath, composing myself before I continue.

“What really troubled me the most was if I was feeling down or was having an off day, he would pester me until I finally just told him what was wrong. It always frustrated me that he never gave me my space. I could barely walk out of the room without him having to know where I was. I blamed his clinginess a lot of different things, mostly the physical distance created in our relationship. He was gone for long periods of time leaving my on my own. I had to grow up and learn how to deal with things on my own without the help of anyone.”