Deception (Clexa)

10

Lexa stayed in Clarke's room all day occupying herself with TV and innocently going through Clarke's things. Mostly her clothes, her smell was intoxicating and oh how Lexa missed that smell of happiness. Lexa sat on the edge of Clarke's bed rubbing her face. Lexa thought best of keeping a low profile after that press talk. Everyone would have endless amount of questions if she didn't stay out of sight and all she wanted right now was two things. Peace and the woman she never stopped loving after all those years. Lexa was so deep in thought that she almost missed the knock on the door. It couldn't possibly be Clarke because it was still in the afternoon and Clarke said she would be back tonight. Plus this is Clarke's room now, so why on earth would she knock? Lexa obliged and opened the door.

"Titus?" Lexa asked not that she was surprised but just because he should be with Clarke. When Lexa was Madame President Titus never left her side when attending meeting and such.

"We need to talk Lexa" Titus barged his way in and Lexa was a little confused by his behavior but closed the door any way.

"About?" She had no clue what Titus would need to say to her that has already been said.

"You can't tell Clarke we knew you were alive" Titus huffed.

"I have to be honest with her" Lexa simply said.

"If she doesn't ask you then technically you're not lying" Lexa wanted to laugh Titus has changed she sees.

"So I guess the lessons you taught me about being truthful and righteous means nothing anymore?" Lexa tilted her head trying to figure the new man out in front of her.

"That's not it Lexa" Titus said dryly acknowledging the mock in Lexa's tone "You'll crush her Lexa. Clarke has been broken for so many years and it hurts not her but me too to see her in so much pain" Lexa could see a single tear finding its way down Titus face as he spoke. Lexa has never ever seen this man cry in front of her not even when her dad died Titus had stayed strong but now she can she he has grown a bond with Clarke over the years and something this horrid has effected him. "Just think about it and the pain you've already caused" Titus wiped cheek and stood. "In the end, its all for her" with those final words Titus left the room.

Lexa was speechless. If she was still president she would have Titus in the torture room under the pentagon until he begged for forgiveness but she is not president anymore and nor is she that person who causes destruction rather than fixing things. Lexa had changed that's for sure but so did everyone else. Lexa didn't realize how five years would effect anyone and now she does. It changed a lot and it's all her fault. Lexa knew why she was kidnapped so many years ago and could've all been prevented if she had just listened. If only she had waited a little longer.

It was eight at night when Clarke came lingering back to her room. She wanted answers from Lexa yes but she was also scared to find out the answers she yearned to know. Clarke was so distraught she didn't know if she could take anymore of this. Clarke opened the door to her room and went in sighing deeply. Lexa wasn't in the bedroom. Clarke couldn't believe Lexa would ditch the conversation they were going to have. Lexa couldn't even owe her this. What a...

"Clarke?" Clarke heard a voice from her wardrobe. She knew exactly who it was. Clarke curses herself for doubting Lexa so easily.

"Yeah it's me" Clarke shouted softly.

Lexa appeared from the wardrobe not meeting Clarke's eyes. "I organized a couple of things, I got bored I hope you don't mind" Lexa spoke quietly scared to say something wrong.

"It's fine you were always good at that" Clarke had a small smile on her face remembering moving in with Lexa. She didn't have to do much because Lexa had rearranged mostly everything being the cute neat freak she was.

Clarke moved to the bed and patted the seat next to her. Lexa slowly took a seat beside her. It was quiet and tense was the way to put it. Both were scared of the other running away before they got what they needed. Answers.

"I never meant to hurt you Clarke" Lexa whispered looking up to see Clarke staring back at her. "No apology in the world could make up for the five years we've loss" Clarke wasn't going to make this easy on Lexa.

"You betrayed your country Lexa. What the hell were you thinking you?" Clarke controlled the volume of her voice this wasn't an argument.

"You. I was thinking about you 86,400 seconds 1,440 minutes 24 hours it was you every single day." Lexa admitted. Clarke looked into her eyes and saw nothing but honesty but it still made no sense to her.

"If that's true then why didn't you try Lexa try to get back to me" Clarke was tired and it wasn't because of the lack of sleep.

"And risk them killing you? It was either betray my country or kill myself because I was never going to let them get to you and I was never going to leave this earth without seeing you one last time" Lexa was loosing words Clarke didn't know how much she cried in her small cell for two years hoping to get back to her. Lexa shook her head trying to forget the horrible things that happened to her. "I did what I had to do and I won't apologize for that"

"Well then maybe you were better off dead" Clarke said coldly not meeting Lexa's eyes anymore. Lexa didn't know what to do or what she just heard she wondered if she imagined it and she was still in that cell being held captive but she wasn't because she could taste the tears that slide down her cheeks onto her lips.

"You don't mean that" Lexa finally spoke up her voice cracked and Clarke quickly looked at her realizing what she had just said. Wishing Lexa was dead wouldn't get rid of the pain in her chest it wouldn't have fixed anything that was terribly broken inside.

"Lexa.. I" Clarke sobbed "I didn't... I didn't mean it" Clarke buried her face inside her hands trying to stop herself from crying "I'm so sorry" Clarke shook her head repeatedly. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" Clarke finally breathed.

Lexa quickly pulled Clarke to her chest holding her as close as she can while peppering kisses in her hair trying to make it last forever "Nothing is wrong with you, you're perfect to me" Lexa was relieved that Clarke said what she said out of anger and not because she meant it but nothing was going to fix this hurt she caused the woman she loved so much she would die for.  Lexa stayed alive for hoping one day she'd get back to her the right way. Lexa was aware of the pain that would come with it but as long as she was with Clarke all those things seemed to simmer away but when Clarke was with her it seemed all Lexa did was cause her pain all the time. Lexa tried not to think about it too much because she was never going to leave Clarke again if she had any say in it and so Lexa thought since everything was out in the open it was time to tell Clarke the truth.

"Clarke I have something to tell you I cannot protect you from the truth anymore you're too smart for that" Lexa whispered into her hair while rubbing her back soothingly.

Clarke breathed in Lexa's smell one last time before sitting up giving her full attention to Lexa. Clarke nodded her voice was still too shaky to speak.

Lexa took a deep breath before looking directly at the woman she loved the most.

"I know why I was kidnapped and who did it"

AN: Hmm that went well ;) I will be updating more often sorry I leave you guys hanging.