Lessons Of A Quiet Girl

Mornings

My kids have gone visiting my parents for the month. Embarking on all matter of fun adventures, having a blast from what they tell me. In this time, I've taken some time to get my stuff together. I've taken up writing again, my own personal outlet of both frustration and creativity, my own personal therapy sessions with myself. I quit my job, because I'm going in a different direction with my life. I've got rid of some useless stuff, decluttered. I've been packing, but only the things I find most important, or what I think we'll need. I can get a lot done without kids around, without feeling so much the pressure of time. I won't lie, it's been kind of amazing.

Coming off of the graveyard shift has taken a lot of getting used to, and my sleep pattern has taken longer to readjust than I thought it would, seeing as on my days off I had to struggle not to sleep all night. Between being unemployed for the time being and my children being away for the time being, I've had a lot of free time, glorious quiet time, to just think. To figure myself out.

I've come to understand why I love my quiet time in the morning. Being able to just sip my tea and read or watch TV or sit and soak up some fresh air. It allows me to assess how emotional I am each day. I've never realized the advantage to this before, as I've never really had it. You see, I had my oldest daughter when I was just barely 19. Before that was work, a lot of work, I had four paying jobs at one time, and if I had free time I would gladly spend it babysitting my friends daughter.  Before that was school, 13 years of school. Four of those years were spent on a hobby farm, so even on my weekends, I was up at 5 or 6 in the morning, feeding animals, mucking out stalls, tending to the huge ass garden. Helping out around the house, not as much as I realize now that I could have, or even should have. The point being, that I never really stopped. Waking up and being busy almost from the get go was a pretty normal way of life. I never really took the time to just relax and assess myself in the morning. Which sucks, because...well.... as women know best: estrogen. 

Since the birth of my oldest daughter, my emotions can seem like a roller coaster. Not enough to constitute as bi-polar, but they range vastly from day to day. Actually having that time to relax and just mindlessly binge watch a show, or read a few chapters of a book, or even articles that tug on the old heart strings, has allowed me to gauge how emotional I am early enough in the day, to talk myself out of being irrationally angry or jealous, haven't quite figured out insecure, though.

I have never truly appreciated mornings so much.