Lessons Of A Quiet Girl

The Problem With Pride

Pride. Yeah, a lot of people should probably have more of it in some way or another. Then there's those of us who have too much in places that it wouldn't hurt to have less. Hell, it would probably make life easier.

Having pride in your work, your children, your accomplishments are all great things. You should be proud of that. Have you put a lot of effort into creating these things? Yeah, you have. And guess what? They are absolutely fantastic. 

But more importantly, have pride in yourself. Have pride in how much you've grown. How much you've learned. Have pride in how much good you've taught. How good you feel today, at this moment. Let it shine through, let the world see it. Have pride in your success, as well as your failures. Both have been lessons.

The biggest problem I've had with pride, is in my pride of being independent. I am very independent, even though I feel needy as hell sometimes. For example, I need a hella pep talk today, I really do. I'm a mess, a sobbing heap of tears, remorse and regret. I'm self shaming to no end, asking myself why I didn't see things more clearly earlier. I need a pep talk so bad, it actually hurts.

But I have too much pride to ask for help. I'm too strong for that, I keep telling myself. I'm too independent for that. I can't let anyone see me cry, I'm too proud for that. 

Having pride is a great thing, but it's knowing where to draw the line that so many of us have problems with. Asking for help is a big one. I have reasons for having my pride in my independence. Mostly, they relate to asking for help, and not getting it. Flat out being told no. Or being told yes, reassured that someone has my back, and then them just ... not.

Pride has been as much of a help as it has been a hinderance. It has gotten me out of tough situations, but it has also made some situations more difficult than they need to be. It has propelled me forward just as much as it has held me back. Essentially, pride is why I've not truly moved forward in my life. One step forward, one step back.

Pride is what is keeping me where I am.