I'm A Loser

Too Much Rain

"I wanna go to John." Paul said as he was going to bed.

Linda heard him from the bathroom; she hurried out and hugged him.

"Paul, I didn't want to upset you earlier, please don't scare me by saying things like that." She begged.

"What's the point? I mean, Prudence is with Ringo now, you probably hate me again..." He trailed off.

"It's okay." She said calmly.

"You're okay with this?" He asked, shocked.

"No, you're not going out on Fridays anymore." She ordered.

"How are we gonna pay-"

"You said your dad would let us stay." Linda said.

"Yea he'd let me and you stay. He doesn't know about Prudence and Ringo. Or your daughter and John's son!" Paul shouted.

Linda started getting anxious.

"B-Brian's place is massive. I'm sure he'd let us stay there. I mean, I'll probably have to be with him more often..."

"No!" Linda screamed.

Paul looked at her, confused by her sudden shout.

"I-I don't want you to be with anyone else." She whimpered.

"It's not like I like him or anything." Paul pleaded.

"I don't care."

"But-"

"Just get a normal job!" She shouted.

"Could've been a Beatle if John didn't kill 'imself." Paul murmured.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Daddy?!" Julian called out and hurried over to their room.

"Hey, Buddy." Paul said and picked him up.

"Look!" Julian said happily and held up his drawing.

"It's lovely!" Paul exclaimed. "Who is it?"

"Liz!" He said happily. "Can I show her?"

"Babe...Lizzy's gonna be gone for a while." Paul lied.

"But she's been gone so long already!" Jules whined.

"Sorry, Love." Paul apologized.

Julian walked over to the picture of Liz on Paul's dresser. He leaned close to the frame it was in and whispered, "Come home soon, Mummy." And gave the picture a kiss, leaving a mark on the glass.

"How are your fishies?" Paul asked Julian, trying to get away from the subject.

"Good. They're big now." He smiled.

"Where's George?" Julian asked.

"Um... He went to go meet up with Lizzy; I don't think either of them are gonna be back soon." Paul broke it to him.

"Why'd you want George?" Linda asked.

"I wanted to show George the picture of him." Julian said as he held up another drawing of George playing the guitar.

"Baby, they're lovely. Maybe you can save them until they come back. But remember, they probably won't be back for a long time." Paul suggested.

"Okay." Julian said sadly and went back to his room.

"I hate lying to the poor kid." Paul groaned.

"You don't have the nerve to tell him what really happened, do you?" Linda asked.

Paul shook his head.

"C'mon, let's go to bed." Linda said as she brought Paul to their bed.

The two lied down and Linda watched as Paul fell asleep. As usual, he began crying and screaming in his dream.

"Paul?" Linda asked and shook him.

"What?" He said, his eyes opening wide.

"You were having a nightmare again." She told him.

"Oh." He sighed.

"Paul, I don't remember the last time you slept without having a nightmare."

He shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess I just think about them too often. I mean, I fell like I belong up there with them. Like, John definitely had his ups and downs but he didn't deserve to die, Liz was amazing and kind and beautiful and there's no reason she should've died. And George, he was the sweetest guy I've ever known. I bet George didn't freaking beat Liz or Prudence, and if he did, I bet it wasn't nearly as bad as what I've done to you. Linda, if anybody should've died, it should've been me." Paul sighed.

"Quit talking like that!" Linda whined.

"If you kill yourself of something happens to you...I-I'm just as well dead. Julian's pretty much dead if you die. Heather's dead if your dead. Paul, we all need you." She told him.

"I'm not making any promises so you better be watching me every second or get anything I can hurt myself with out of this house." Paul warned.

"Paul, stop!" She cried.

She quickly held onto both of Paul's hands and squeezed them tight. She kissed him all over and gave him any sign of affection she could think of to show how much she cared.