Sad Supernatural Imagines

#53 Sam - I'm Just So Tired

Y/N p.o.v:

You just wanted to be done. To be done with everything. You wanted it all to stop. The things that screamed at you inside your head would never stop screaming. Sam and Dean had no idea about this. You know you should've told them about what was happening, but you thought you could deal with this on your own. You thought it would pass. But it never did. The things you thought about yourself, how much hatred you had for yourself, how much you wanted to just end it all, those things would never go away. Never. You sat in your room which also belonged to Sam, curled into a ball, rocking back and forth trying to hold in the loud sobs that sounded so heartbreaking. You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping to maybe fall asleep if that were possible. You never slept. But when you did, you were tossing and turning, consumed in a terrifying and horrific nightmare that seemed so real. You uncurled yourself and and got up off of your's and Sam's bed. You walked into the bathroom and stopped in front of the mirror. You put your hands on the sink and leaned heavily towards it. You took multiple deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down. Sam was out on a hunt and would be back very soon. You took one more breathe before slowly looking up at your reflection. Oh how you hated yourself. You hated the way your nose looks so big. You hated your that freckles littered your face. You hated your brown eyes and how small they looked. You hated the chubbiness of your cheeks. You hated everything. You took a few more deep breaths before turning on the water and splashing your face with the freezing cold water.
"Y/N! We're back!" You heard Sam yell. You looked in the mirror again. Your eyes, surprisingly, weren't bloodshot. You put on a fake smile and went to go greet your boyfriend. You walked out of the bathroom and to the library. You saw Sam there with a grin.
"I got y/f/f for you. Your favorite." Sam said.
"Awe, Sammy. I just ate 10 minutes ago. I'm sorry." You told him with guilt. Sam just shook his head.
"Its alright, Y/N. I'll just eat it." He said with a shrug. You forced a small laugh.
"You do that." You said and walked into the library to read some books you had Sam buy for you.

~few weeks pass by~

Weeks had passed by and Sam nor Dean had noticed how thin you've become. They hadn't noticed the dark backs under your eyes and hallow cheeks. The way your eyes had sunken in. You were currently in the bathroom throwing up. This had been happening a lot lately. You never threw up forcefully. You finished throwing up and flushed the toilet. You brushed your teeth and then went back to your room which was also shared with Sam. You lied on the bed and closed your eyes, hoping to fall asleep. You heard footsteps quickly coming to your room. You opened you eyes and looked up to see Sam walking towards the bed.
"Y/N-" you didn't let him finish.
"I'm fine, Sam." You mumbled.
"No you aren't! You've been getting sick for the past few weeks and I'm getting worried. Dean is worried, too. You need to go to the hospital." Sam said angrily. That got your attention. You sat up, not even trying to hide the fear in your eyes, and stared at Sam.
"No! I'm not going to the hospital! I'm not going. You can't make me!" You yelled. Sam looked taken aback. His eyes softened and his brows furrowed.
"Why, Y/N?" He asked softly. Your head fell into your hands as you began to weep. You had had enough. Your wall finally broke. Tears rushed into your palms. Your shoulders shook with every single sob that racked through your body. You felt arms around you and you and heard Sam trying to calm you.
"What the hell is going on?" A gruff voice asked. You hadn't known Dean had come in here.
"I don't know, but I need time alone with her, okay? Close the door on your way out, please." Sam said. Dean mumbled an 'okay' before closing the door. You continued to sob, letting all the bottled up emotions out. Sam comforted you to his best abilities. After a long time, you had finally came to quiet sniffles and hiccups.
"I'm just so tired. I'm tried, Sam. Tired of feeling ugly and fat. Tired of being ignored. Tired of feeling unloved and worthless. Tired of feeling like no one cares. Tired of pretending to be happy when all I want to do is break down and cry. I'm hiding what I'm feeling, but I'm tired of holding this inside my head. I'm done. Crying, fighting, trying. I'm just done." You whispered brokenly. Sam's heart shattered into millions of tiny pieces.
"You should have told me you felt this way. I could have helped." Sam said. You shook your head.
"I didn't want you to worry." You told him. Sam had tears streaming down his face.
"Y/N, you're beautiful. You're loved. You're needed. You're alive for a reason. You're stronger than you think. You're going to get through this, but to get through this journey, you need to take only one step at a time. Take my hand and we can and will get through thus together. Be strong because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever. I will believe in you even if no one else does. Even if you don't believe in yourself. When life beats you down, never give up. Always keep fighting, Y/N." Sam answered. You didn't say anything. Instead, you wrapped your arms around Sam and kissed him. Your lips moved in synchronization like a wave does on a beach. Soon, you had to break away to catch your breath.
"I love you, Moose." You whispered. You looked into Sam's beautiful color-changing eyes.
"I love you, too, Y/N. Now, how about we get you to the hospital?" Sam said. You giggled and nodded. Maybe you didn't want to be done just yet.