Sad Supernatural Imagines

#91 Dean - Part 1: Suicide Is A Sin, Which Leads To Hell

Y/N p.o.v:

It was horrible, depression was. It feels like you're drowning. Like you're never going to get better. You felt as if the dark thoughts would kill you. The demons in your head, your evil monsters, told you how worthless you were. How you deserved nothing. How you meant nothing. How you deserved pain and deserved to die. You stopped going on hunts in fear of hurting or getting someone killed.
"Y/N, are you okay?" Dean asked. You hadn't talked for hours. You were just sitting in the library staring at the wall. You looked up at Dean who was standing in the doorway and faked a smile.
"I'm fine, Dean, but thank you for asking." You lied smoothly. Dean smiled.
"Okay, well, Sammy and I found a hunt. I know how you don't like going on them anymore, but I thought you should know where him and I were going. We'll be back by tomorrow morning." Dean said. You nodded and then watched as Dean walked out of the room. You dropped your fake smile and sighed quietly. It was easy lying to Dean. Fake a smile, lie, and pretend you're alright, but hell knows how that isn't true. Sam and Dean were too busy with hunting to notice how were you falling into a dark hole. A hole that was so dark and deep. A hole that you fell into and was about to hit rock bottom. You knew you wouldn't be able to get back out. It would be close to impossible. Sam and Dean were already ready and on there way to get the hunt done and over with. You waved at the impala you loved so much and watched as it faded away into the distance. Once the beautiful car was out of sight, you headed back inside the bunker slowly. You felt more lonely than you felt when Sam and Dean were here. You sighed and walked to your room. You shut the door and felt the emotionless tears fall down your face. You had no reason to be crying or maybe you did, you just didn't know which reason it was this time. You slid down the door to the cold, hard floor and let your head fall into your freezing hands. Sobs heaved through you and the hot tears pooled into your hands. Suddenly, you stood up, tears still running down your face, and went to your bed. You reached under your pillow and pulled out your gun. This world didn't need you; this world was far too cruel. Sam and Dean didn't need you either; they had each other. You walked out of your room and to the bathroom. You closed the door and looked at yourself in the mirror. You couldn't recognize yourself. That reflection in the mirror was a stranger. You looked back at the gun in your hand and smiled to yourself. A real, genuine smile. You didn't care where you landed; hell, heaven. You just didn't want to be here. Not in this fucked up world. You closed your eyes and raised the little, but extremely dangerous weapon to your head. You took a deep breath before pulling the trigger.

BANG!

Dean's p.o.v:

Sam and I just finished the exhausting hunt and were now home. I walked through the bunker, but something felt different for some unknown reason. I felt my brows furrow and I looked over at my little brother.
"Does something seem different to you, Sam?" I asked. Sam nodded and a look of worry flashed upon his face and I was sure it was on my face as well. I raced to Y/N's room, but she wasn't there. I then went to the bathroom and saw it closed. I banged on the door.
"Y/N?!" I yelled. I was terrified and worried. No answer. 
"Y/N, open up!" I said. I knew she was in here because the door is never closed unless someone was in the bathroom. I still got no answer. I was getting too anxious and impatient. I kicked the door down and then raced in, but stopped dead in my tracks once I saw the scene. Tears welded in my eyes and instantly fell down my cheeks. Y/N was on the ground surrounded by a pool of blood with bullet hole in her head. The blood seemed dry, so she must have done this after we left. The thought made me sick and feel horrible. If only Sam and I hadn't left. If only I had seen the signs. Now that I thought about it, it seemed obvious. The way her real smile looked was completely different from the one Y/N gave me yesterday. The way she lied so easily to make me believe it. I could have helped her. I could have prevented this.
"Dean, did you- Oh, my God." Sam said. I heard a choked sob and a small gag. So this wasn't a nightmare. This was all my fault.

~days later~

I couldn't do this without Y/N. She was my everything and I didn't even get to tell her that. I took another gulp of my whiskey. Sam walked in and saw the state I was in.
"I know it's hard, Dean, and I miss Y/N, but-" I glared at Sam and it made him stop talking.
"You don't know what it's like, Sam." I growled. Sam glared back and he seemed to be livid.
"I do know what it's like to lose the love of your life. I lost Jess, Dean. Remember? Yeah, I watched her burn, but I didn't drunk my pain away. I may have blamed myself, I still do, but I have accepted that-" I slammed the whiskey bottle down and sat up straight.
"Shut up, Sam! At least Jess knew you loved and cared about her! At least she didn't kill herself!" I yelled. Sam's face changed from anger to hurt.
"I lost her too, Dean. I loved her too. Not the same way you did, but I still loved her. It wasn't your fault. I know it's hard, but you need to stop this. It's killing you." Sam said softly. I raised the bottle to my lips and took another swig of whiskey.
"So?" I asked as I put down the bottle again. Sam was about to say something before sighing and walking away with some tears in his eyes. He must have thought I didn't see them. I got up and stumbled to the bathroom where Y/N killed herself. I closed and locked the door. I leaned down and lifted up my pant leg revealing the knife in my boot. I took it out and pulled my pant leg back down. I took a deep, shuddering breath before pulling up the sleeve to my flannel. I slid down the wall with tears calmly running down my face. I whispered I'm sorry before pressing the knife to my wrist in a vertical line and then started to move the, might I add, sharp knife down my wrist to  the middle of my forearm. I gasped as the blade ripped my skin open to let the waterfall of blood seep through the cut. I gritted my teeth and made another cut before moving to the other arm. I dropped the knife as my vision suddenly got very blurry. I saw dots dancing in my blurry vision. Over the ringing in my  ear, I heard someone yelling my name and pounding on the door. The last thing I saw before death consumed me was Sam knocking the door down with, if I'm correct, tears streaming down his face as he screamed my name in anguish. Suicide is a sin, so I must be going to hell.

A/N:

So I finished this at school because I was bored. I apologize for any mistake and part 2 will be in my second book. Again, I am sorry for any mistakes that I have made.