Sad Supernatural Imagines

#72 Cas - You Don't Know

Again, this will be formatted like my preferences.

Y/N p.o.v:

/I know you've got the best intentions. Just trying to find the right words to say. I promise I've already learned my lesson. But right now, I wanna be not okay/

"Let me help you, Y/N." Cas begged. You pushed him away. He couldn't help. He can't possibly know what it's like to hate your body. To hate every single goddamn thing about you. Every molecule that was made up of you. How could he know what it's like to feel fat? To feel ugly? To feel worthless?

/I'm so tired, sitting here waiting. If I hear one more, "Just be patient." It's always gonna stay the same/

"Just be patient. It gets better. I promise, Y/N." Cas said. You rolled your eyes. Cas knew nothing of what wanting to give up - to stop fighting and let go - felt like. His promise meant nothing. His supposedly reassuring words meant nothing. Everything he said or did meant nothing. He says he loves you, but he really doesn't. No one could love a disaster like you.

/So let me just give up. So let me just let go. If this isn't good for me, well, I don't wanna know/

"Let me just give up, Cas! Let me let go! If this isn't good for me - if all I do is fuck shit up - what is the fucking point of being here?!" You screamed as Cas tried to get you to calm down. You fucked up on a hunt once again. You got the little girl killed. Dean blamed you for it. He was right to. You didn't protect the 5 year old like you promised. You basically killed her.

/Let me just stop trying. Let me just stop fighting. I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright/

"Y/N-" You interrupted him.
"Let me just stop trying, fighting! I don't want your advice or reason why I'm alright!" You yelled. Tears cascading quickly down your read cheeks. Cas stared solemnly into your bloodshot eyes. Cas had his hands up like he was in surrender.
"Look, we can do this, Y/N, together. Just calm-" You threw your lamp at him.
"No! Just shut up, Cas. Just shut the hell up!" You screeched.

/You don't know what it's like. You don't know what it's like/

"You don't know what it's like! You don't fucking know, Castiel!" You screamed. You threw pictures at him. You heard the glass shattering. You saw Sam and Dean run in to see what was going on.
"What the-" Dean started, but you threw a glass perfume bottle at him.
"Get out!" You screamed. You grabbed one of the drawers out from your nightstand and threw it at Sam. Cas took this time of lack of attention to leap towards you.

/Can't stop these feet from sinking and it's starting to show on me. You're staring while I'm blinking, but just don't tell me what you see/

Cas held you while you beat his chest.
"Y/N, stop. Stop." Cas whispered into your ear. You let out a broken sob.
"I just want the voices to stop. I just want it to be over!" You cried. Sam and Dean stared at you. They had no idea what you were going through. They didn't notice the changes that developed over time. The way you gradually got skinnier. The way the bags under your eyes got darker. The way your eyes got duller. The way you stopped telling them what was wrong. They stood by and let this happen to you. Cas felt the same way the Winchesters did; guilty.

/I'm so over all this bad luck. Hearing one more, "Keep your head up." Is it ever gonna change/

Days later you were taken to a therapist.
"Keep your head up. This will help you, Y/N." Dean said with a smile. You didn't respond. After what happened in your room with Cas and the boys, you haven't talked. You didn't wanna talk about it or even listen to someone talk about it.
"You'll have to talk sooner or later. You know that right?" Sam asked. Again, you didn't respond. This wouldn't help. This wouldn't change a damn thing. They can't force you to take pills. You'd cut them if they did.