.But You're Beautiful To Me. ~Frerard~

Part 4 ~ Pizza?!

Gerard's POV

I tried to avoid eye contact with Frank - or anyone for that matter - as we exited the stage. I felt sooo ashamed. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I feel so weird around Frank all of a sudden? It's not like we haven't done gay shit onstage before! I mean for god's sake he once dropped to his knees and rubbed his face on my crotch -while still playing the guitar btw - and I'm pretty sure he licked it too.

"What's so different about this time?"
I asked myself. My sassy brain was a fast replier: "You've been ignoring and avoiding this for so long you were actually beginning to convince yourself that this was all for show, that you felt nothing but 'bro-ness' for him. Well, I have news for you, you might just have found your chemical romance kid" Why the fuck was the voice in my head such a bitch and a poet at the same time? It'll drive me insane one of these days.

Anyways, it was a beautiful speech I just gave myself right there but it's out of the question. I can't fall in love with my best friend! I can never tell him this. If he doesn't like me back, imagine the awkwardness! It would ruin our friendship, it would probably ruin the band too. I couldn't bear that. I just couldn't.

I ran out of the stage and jumped into a cab, totally ignoring my bandmates. I went straight to my small hotel room - that I was thankfully alone in this time - and slammed the door behind me, relieved to finally be alone. I threw myself down on the couch and held my knees close to my chest. Why did I always have to make thing so complicated? : An excellent question I asked myself, right before I stopped holding the tears in.

Frank's POV

Gerard. Gerard. Gerard. All I could think about was Gerard. I really need to see him... Where is he anyway? We just got off the stage, he can't have gone that far. I turn and suddenly catch a glimpse of him running away, before he dissapears around a corner. Is he running from me? It's a thought I can't seem to shake off.

"Hey Frank, we're going for a drink, you coming?" Ray asked me, making me suddenly realize he was standing right behind me. For once, drinking was the last thing on my mind. I needed to find an excuse. Fast. "Yeahh.. umm no, but thanks Ray, I think I'm gonna pass this time... I gotta go... sort my guitar picks?" Ray, who didn't seem to be listening that much, seemed to accept this totally legit explanation and strode off with Mikey and Bob right by his side.

Now, back to Gerard. I really needed to find him and talk to him. About what? I have no fucking idea. He probably went back to the hotel right? That's where he'll be, he was simply so tired he decided to run to the hotel room to go to sleep, so tired he didn't even look at us going out or say goodnight.

The more I think about it, the more I feel all fingers pointing towards me. I don't know why, but I just know that it's my fault, that I hurt him in some way. Well, I was staring pretty intensively at him during the show and there was that kiss too... As I'm thinking about this I climb into a cab and make my way to the sleezy hotel.

I am officially freaking out as I reach his door. I'm about to run away and 'nope' sooo bad but then heard something coming from inside. Was Gerard.. crying?

It broke my heart to hear it, and I hated that Gerard was saddened by something - I hoped it wasn't me. I finally worked up the courage to softly knock on his door, being careful not to startle him. Gerard suddenly stopped crying in a little chocking sound and barked "Go away!"

"Ger it's me, please let me in, I wanna help you, I can't stand knowing you're feeling down..." A few moments passed where everything was silent on the other side of the door, while Gerard seemed to be contemplating whether or not to let me come in. This was resolved when I heard the lock clicking and soon the door opened halfway, Gerard half hidden in the darkness. That didn't prevent me from seeing Ger's red eyes and wet face, which surely added another crack to my porcelain heart.

He was avoiding my eyes, so I gently put two fingers under his chin and lifted it up so our eyes would meet. As soon as they did, his started sparkling at first, but then filled with tears once again. He quickly turned away and went back into the room, sitting on the old - kinda ugly - purple couch that sat in the corner of it. I followed him and closed the door behind me softly. I sat down beside the - slightly okay? - taller man and put my arm around him protectively, not really thinking about it.

He looked distressed and I was starting to freak out because I really wondered what was happening - and was starting to imagine the worst of scenarios. I asked as calmly as I could, "Ger, what's going on? You know I'm always there for you no matter what, right?"

He seemed to relax a bit, but his muscles still felt tense in my hold. "I can't tell you Frank. I just can't. I don't want to ruin everything. I don't want to lose you" he then quickly added "or y'know.. any of the guys...".

I simply answered, not thinking at all before talking, like the beautiful idiot that I am, "I'm not leaving you anytime soon babe, don't worry"

"Babe?" He asked, seeming confused or surprised.

I quickly replied, "Oh erm.. sorry I mean bro, dude...macho man?..."
Me and my stupid big mouth.

Gerard suddenly spoke again, breaking the awkward, minute long silence, "Look man, I really need to know something, and if the answer's no, then it's no and that's the end of it, we'll never talk about it again but I really gotta ask you, I can't just ignore it anymore..."
"What's eating you Ger?" I asked softly. "Dooo....erm...okay well I was wondering..." he cleared his throat, "do you like... erm..... pizza?"
"What?!" I asked, a bit confused. Clearly he choked so bad, or this was a really big buildup for a fucking pizza.
"Haha nevermind I must be high or something.." he said quickly.

Though his face got pretty good at hiding feelings throughout the years, his eyes always gave alway what he felt. This time they seemed filled with hearthbreak. "I do" I finally answered, attempting to break the silence, "Crust me" I added. He finally looked at me, a smile pulling on the sides of his mouth. A few moments passed.
"Hey Fran-frankie?"
"Yeah Ger?"
He looked deep in my eyes, his were glistening. "Did you - did you feel it too?"