Trying Hard to Ignore You

"I think you kissed away my bloody sanity!"

I laid in bed for five and a half hours before I could even try to go to sleep, and then, still, I could taste his mouth, smell his skin, feel his lips...

I didn't fall asleep until six.

I'm laying in bed now, staring at the ceiling.

Is this real?

Did I really go see Spencer? Did I really throw the ring? Did I really have my body melted by the feeling of a man's lips?

Kissing is incredible.

Actually, no, kissing isn't incredible.

Kissing Spencer is incredible.

I walk to the bathroom, my fingers on my lips, and take a shower, standing in the hot water, trying to clear my head of Spencer.

I can't.

I can't even begin to try, and I don't want to.

I wash myself and shave, getting out, I brush my teeth and walk to my bedroom.

I pull on a red lacy thong, a matching pushup bra, short shorts, and a white t-shirt with New York 82 on the front in red letters. There's red on the hem of the sleeve and the neck but that's it other than the words.

I leave my hair down, walking into my kitchen. I make coffee and start rummaging through my cabinet for supplies.

It's one in the afternoon.

My phone vibrates on the coffee table.

Spencer: are you awake Jules?

My heart starts pounding.

It wasn't a dream.

Me: yes

Spencer: excellent, I'm outside with Nat and Will

I gulp.

Shit.

I take a couple of deep breaths and walk up to the door, turning the deadbolt, I unlock it, pulling it open.

Spencer stands there. My heart starts pounding and my hands start sweating. I step aside to let them inside.

Is this real life?

I can't even compose myself enough to be in the same room as him.

Will and Natalie look around.

"What are you up to?" Natalie asks.

"I was making banana bread." I say.

"Did you just wake up?" Will asks.

"Yeah, I couldn't fall asleep until six."

"Why not?" Spencer asks.

"I just couldn't." I say, refusing to look at him.

I wash my hands and they watch while I throw ingredients into a bowl, mixing all of them. The oven is preheated. I put the bread pan in and set the timer, and clean up the mess, talking to Will and Nat while I do.

I don't talk to Spencer because every time I want to, I see his fucking lips and I start melting.

So I avoid him the best I can.

Spencer

Last night was the best kiss of my life.

Did she not think so? What if I'm a horrid kisser and she won't look at me because of it.

She makes the banana bread and gives some to everyone, and it tastes incredible. She drinks coffee and eats, only talking to Natalie and Will.

We even start a movie, and she sits on the other end of the couch.