Daydream Away

Chapter 17: Forgive and Forget

We went to Hot Topic and bought a few things. I got two sets of bracelets, two new band shirts, a pair of black skinnies, and finally a adventure time shirt because that show is the shit.

After that we roamed the mall for another hour or so.

Now we were in the food court. Cassadee was practically forcing me to eat despite the fact that I'm not even hungry. 

She said I only had to eat half. So that's what I did. We talked about girl shit while she finished her food. She could see I was still upset and didn't really care to be here however. 

We threw away our food and hopped back into the car. "Maria, if you ever need to talk I'm here for you. Don't forget that." She said. I nodded and the rest of the car ride was silent. 

We got to the house and I thanked her again for taking me out before marching upstairs back into my bedroom where I would reside for the rest of the day.

I quickly changed into something more comfortable; polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=83112538

I was really trying to be okay ya know. Trying to be happy. But I still found myself in his sweater.

I sat on my bed and pulled my laptop over onto my lap and checked twitter. I had a bunch of dm's and tweets from Jack, some from fans calling me names and whatnot for making Jack upset. I slammed it shut.

All the tears started to come back. I pushed the laptop off of me and brought my knees to my face. I wrapped my arms around my legs and just cried. Cried for hours.

I cried until I couldn't anymore. I laid in my bed now, staring at the ceiling, wishing I was dead. I'm such a idiot for falling for him. I can't believe the one person who's helped me through so much has put me back into depression.

I grabbed my blade from under my pillow. I need to cut.

Alex would kill me right now if he knew what I was doing.. I slowly but deeply cut my skin open. I didn't go too deep because I wasn't ready to die.. yet.

Please let this be a dream.. 

I grabbed a few paper towels I had hid under my bed and put it under my arm so it wouldn't drip onto the floor. I started to cry again. Not just about Jack though, about what I had done, what my mom would think of me right now, what Alex would think of me right now.. maybe even Thomas..

All the sudden there was a knock at the door. "Fuck.." I mumbled. I quickly wiped off all the blood but I was still bleeding. "Maria.." It was Alex. God damn it.

"Hold on just a minute.." My now raspy voice called. I wrapped a few sheets of paper towel around my arm then pulled down my sleeves. I shoved everything under the bed then finally ran to the door and opened it.

"Yes?" I asked wiping my eyes. "Are you okay? You haven't left your room all day.." He asked as he helped me wipe my eyes. I gave him a fake smile. "Yeah I'm fine." I lied.

"Then why does it look like you've been crying?" He asked. "I had a bad dream that's all. I'm fine though." I lied again. God I'm such an idiot. I started to fumble with my necklace.

I felt horrible for lying to him but it had to be done. He couldn't find out. He'd hate me.

He pulled me in for a hug. My arms wrapped around him almost instantly. I snuggled my head into the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry.." He whispered. "For what..?" I asked. "Jack."

"Alex.. It's not your fault. Really and I'm fine, it doesn't matter." I said. He sniffled. I felt a little wetness drizzling down my back. He was crying now..