Behind a Starbucks in (Phil)idelphia next to a dumpster was a sad tattered dust red couch and a beaten refrigerator box both thrown out having no use to the original owners and both looking like they wanted death. Inside the box lived a small family of three who also wanted death but were still quite happy. None of them really understood how though. Speaker, Dilly, and their very special son named Shrek lived their current lives of misfortune in that box.
They've had to of at least lived in the disregarded box for at least three months which was a horrendously long time to be homeless and living off of stollen muffins and coffee from the near by Starbucks that was to ignorant to notice the Bloobshrooms stealing things with all the basic white girls giving them money so that they can inject coffee into their blood streams to help them endure life.
The Bloobshrooms hoped for things shape up for them. They had realized over the months of being evicted from their apartment and having their dog Dogger taken from them by their dickhead land lord that they had taken their lives of being middle class university graduates in a nice flat for granted, regretting not paying their high electricity bills due to their habits of mindlessly browsing on the internet for the majority of the day. They had really hoped things would turn around for them soon.( wink wonk)
Shrek began to cry from the left side of the old sofa.
"Shrek what's the matter?" Speaker and Dilly asked in unison.
" I have no friends." He sobbed.
"Awww that's not surprising , that's just relatable." Speaker comforted.
"Yeah, and maybe one day you will your best friend in the world." Dilly teased looking at Speaker not knowing what to say being socially inept just as the of odd family were.
"But it fucking sucks." Shrek said slightly raising his voice.
"Shrek watch youR pRoFaNiYy!" Dilly and Speaker screeched.
"You know how Mayor Lester would feel if he found out citizens of his ideal utopia of no cussing and all things being appropriate for all the babies that could possibly watching. Imagine if he heard you saying those awful words." Speaker scolded Shrek.
"Im sorry I was just being dramatic mate." Shrek said unaware of the snazzy man watching the family from across the road.
The man crossed the busy street filled with cars making his way over to the catastrophic scene of bickering and drama. Dilly noticed him first then. Dilly tapped Speakers shoulder wanting to get her to notice the well dressed man in a swaggy hat.
"Why is he walking towards us." Dilly asked pointing him out to Speaker. Shrek then noticed the man too. Shrek was so shook one of his green layers began to produce this weird liquid that was green and hot to the touch. It happened to all ogres when they become shook. He then struck a sassy pose trying to be arousing for the man. As said Shrek is a very special boy.
"OOOOHH YAAASSSSSS QUEEN! STRIKE THAT POSE! OOOOHHH THE SASS!" The man screamed seeing Shrek in all his glorious form.
"OKAY what are YOU doing here." Speaker asked the man. "Are you here to make us move or something?"
"Nuu but I like our weird Starbucks box and broken couch. Im getting quite used to it now." Dilly whined. "Shrek likes it here too. See, look at that smile." Shrek dropped the pose.
"BOi" Shreks voice cracked as he shot a sassy stare at his parents then he hid his beautiful face out of shame knowing the man his new senpai could hear it.
"Oh look you've finally hit puberty." Speaker teased
"MOm sToP!"
The man looked at the Blobshrooms with tears brimming his eyes.
"That was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." The man said.
"You okay mate." Speaker asked.
"Yes, its just... it's that was amazing. I've never seen such a non-funtional family in such horrible conditions that still joke with each other and are all over dramatic. I...I...I just don't know what to say.
"That's fine." Speaker tried helping the man feel better because nobody quite really understood why the man was crying.
"Can you please leave now?" Dilly asked.
"Nuuu my senpai! Never leave!" Shrek said a bit to loudly then became flustered. People walking past stared for a while then began on their way again trying to not be rude.
"Not yet, I want to give you all the offer of a life time." The man said bowing a bit and removing his fedora looking up at the Bloobshrooms with intentful eyes.
-Dilly
YOU ARE READING
Keeping up with the Blobshrooms
RandomNow, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air In west Philadelphia born and raised On the playground was wh...
