Keeping up with the Blobshrooms

shrexting

-dilly (this story is a mess and a lot is happening but shrek ran away again about two chapters ago and i feel like his parts are the only reason why people actually read this so i'm making him come back how fun have a nice day pls)

"we need to call him speaker." speaker said pacing.

"he's only been gone for about a week." dilly assured.

"a week is a long time!" 

"maybe but he'll come back, he needs to be fed."

"dilly he isn't a dog!"

"well anyone could obviously see tha-"

"were calling him. we need to tell him about the milk thing."

"oh yeah, i forgot, but what if he doesn't care." dilly asked.

"we care and that's all that matters." speaker said promptly. she pilled out her aphone by grape and began putting in shrek's number. "what if he doesn't pick up?"she worried.

"that hoe better."

the room became quiet as the two waited for their son to pick up. dial tone

"ugh i'll try texting him." speaker sighed.

BOI WHERE IS YOU

away.

YOU MEAN FAR FAR AWAY DID YOU TRY TO GO BACK TO THE LIFE YOU COULD OF HAD?

no but that's a good ide- er no wait I'M NOT TALKING TO U GUYS 

ur doing it right now

well i didn't pick up so there.

can u not be a sassy trick ass hoe right now.

...

shrek don't do this

...

shrek.

...

BOI IF YOU DON'T 

okay i will ONLY talk if we do a large amount of people chat with sassy and unessicary names

what no

sassy names

no, no sassay names.

...

fine.

speakdatruth joined sassytrickasshoeshrek's large amount of people chat

dillygohome joined sassytrickasshoeshreks's large amount of people chat 

speakdatruth: happy

sassytrickasshoeshrek: very

dillygohome: why am i even here

sassytrickasshoeshrek: because i added you duh

dillygohome: touchè

speakedatruth: shrek come home

sassytrickasshoeshrek: no i don't want to, besides we don't even have a home we lived behind a starbucks

speakdatruth: yeah, but if we win the gameshow that the authors of this book didn't definitely 100% forget about then we could buy a nice house and a have a nice life.

speakdatruth: besides we've been crashing with shane and tyler and they're cool, and even mayor phil and his stalker admirer who makes him unwillingly go to events dan seem too like us too 

dillygohome: i'm pretty sure we still have beyoncè in shane's trunk too 

speakthetruth: oh yeah i forgot, we'll have to do something about that.

dillygohome: but right now what is important is that you get your ass home right now or else we won't let you get your shots this year

sassytrickasshoeshrek: how is that even gonna work i could care less about shots let me get rabies i am ready

speakdatruth: you probs already have rabies tbh

sassytrickasshoeshrek: MOM

speakdatruth: just sayin'

dillygohome: shrek get your ass home shane just bought a box of crispy cremes back and tyler is lying on the couch naked eating them and he is covered in cheese also we had a weird incident with milk and yeah but tyler's naked wow you'd like that shrek (i feel horrible typing this)

speakdatruth: none of that is true except for the mil-

dillygohome: shh

sassytrickasshoeshrek: I'M COMING BACK RIGHT NOW OML!!!!!!

sassytrickasshoeshrek left the large amount of people chat

speakdatruth: how did that even work

dillygohome: everyone has a weird kink

speakdatruth: and you're saying his is tyler covered in cheese naked while eating donuts

dillygohome: i read his diary and oh the things i saw

speakdatruth: do i wanna know

dillygohome: no 

dillygohome: i haven't slept in days 

speakthetruth: well on the bright side he's coming home

dillygohome: the things i saw

speakdatruth: we literally watched brendon putting milk milk into ryan's ass for ten minutes how bad could it be

dillygohome: i feel like that says a lot about us

speakdatruth: yeah

dillygohome left the large amount of people chat

speakdatruth left the large amount of people chat