⚠️possible trigger warning, mentions of self harm & eating disorders⚠️
We all have that one song every now and then that comes along and completely takes over our Spotify for about a fortnight. Yep, found it. 'Into Yellow' by Martin Luke Brown ticks all of the boxes for me.
💛catchy
💛unique
💛minimal
💛Great harmonies/melodies
💛lyrics with meaning
It's just made me feel so positive and upbeat recently!
And completely on the other hand; I found an old Instagram post of mine, from December last year, writing a letter to myself
My dear self, please don't ever let yourself arrive here again- you know only to work better rather than fail yourself further. The key to self acceptance is right in front of your eyes; if only you learn to take it. I know it's difficult- at the moment you are lost, confused and disorientated. For once, please don't let the calories matter, please don't worry about the lack of a gap between your thighs, please don't worry about where to turn next for your next steps. Just do not look back- don't head back for the tools, don't head back for the self punishment, the starvation or the notes. You need to accept that yes, you have thick thighs, you have acne, you have scars, you have those thoughts that come back on you. But yet again you also have the people there to guide you- but you have to realise that people will still make their comments, or thoughts and poor judgements. Please don't deprive yourself of the love that you deserve, please don't leave me, please don't go back. You can do this, you've got the people ready for you. All you need to do is to learn to love yourself again, tackle your challenges and beat the lists of problems, disorders and harsh comments. Don't let go- there are things still here to save you- hold on my dear. Don't shame what you've got, why ruin the body that's getting you to international dance championships? Why stop the dreams that are taking you global? Why give up now? Please stay strong 💪🏼💚 my dear self, you can do this. •on taking the steps to recovery•
I read that back, and I can only appreciate my positivity. The song Into Yellow (especially the live @ air studios version) just seems to reflect it for me. I look back to that letter. No, i may not have recovered, but at least I haven't relapsed badly.
Now, time to try and sleep. I just can't. Especially when I have stomach cramps (because I've had spinach this evening when I thought it was kale, and now I feel really sick 🤢🥗)
YOU ARE READING
Curiosity Cures; Curiosity Kills
NonfiksiA book about the ups and downs of whatever is happening, and a places for me to show you my pictures ? if any parts are perhaps triggering, there I'll be a warning at the beginning of the chapter with ⚠️ so you can just skip past x
