Fight (MCR)

Chapter 17 "Mama"

•••Chapter 17 "Mama"•••

Jade's POV

~~6 years ago~~

I signed my name on the visits calendar. The page is changed every day and the current date is added at the top with different highlight colours and fonts. It's nice to know a nurse takes time doing this daily. Today it read "Saturday, March 27"

I scanned the page-noticing there's a few names written down as it is early in the morning-looking for less lazy and early risen visitors who came to visit mum before me, but only find my dad's name and his friend Brian, whom I've never met in person; guess they came for a quick visit before band practice.

It also seemed like no one has come to see Midori, an Asian girl around my age I've befriended after coming so often to the hospital. She was diagnosed with anemia-blood cancer-3 years ago and moved up into the hospital permanently right after last year began. Midori usually gets few visits as most of her family is still in Japan. The reason for them being there is that they only had enough money to send Midori to a better hospital in the states and to pay for her treatment, nothing more. Which means they barely have money to support the family, let alone to pay a flight all the way here just to be able to stay for a single day. So, to keep it simple, I'm the only visitor Midori gets at all.

"Hey, mom!" I greeted my mother who is changing channels on the TV from her bed, trying to find something worth watching. "I brought in the usual goods and the book you asked for," I informed her. By "usual goods" I mean Nutella, energy drinks, popcorn,-junk food-that I always buy for both of us, because I spend too much time in the hospital with her and because my dad would never buy those things for her, so she asks me instead. I wonder what it's like to feel helpless, dependent; not being able to do anything by yourself...must be hard.

I handed her the groceries bag and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Yeah, my mom is cool that way.

"Your dad and Brian checked in earlier before heading to band practice." Oh, so I was right.

"Yeah, saw them on the visitors calendar. That's what I thought," I replied. My dad is also cool in his own way. He has a band with his friends besides his stable job. I don't know his friends personally, but I've heard their demos and they're really good. Sometimes they come visit my mom. I'm skeptical about that, but she seems to be okay with it so I don't complain. Oh, by the way, my dad plays the guitar, same as me.

"Wanna watch a movie? I've been wanting to watch this one for a while now," mom asked casually, handing me a recently released film.

"Sure! I call dibs on the Ruffles!" I exclaimed, plopping the movie into the DVD player and jumping into the bed with my mom. We cuddled and I pressed Play.

My mom is awesome.

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

She fell asleep. I noticed as the film was about to end. She looked very tired now that she was asleep, but she was an expert hiding it while she was awake.

I inspected her. If you are me, good at observing and to top all that, know my mother pretty well, you may be able to notice how much the cancer has advanced on her body by just looking at her face. I do this constantly and today isn't really the day with the best results.

Her face is thin and has a few emerging wrinkles which are only noticeable when she sleeps. Her nose is sharp, her lips are faint. Her hair USED TO be short and curly, her eyelashes long, and eyebrows defined. But now, there's not a single trace of them in her, chemo has won over.

I silently got out of her bed and softly unrolled the sheets over her frail chest. I shut the blinds on her window, adjusted the air conditioner to a comfortable temperature, turned the lights off and left her room for the day.

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

I didn't go home. I couldn't leave before checking on Midori first. I knocked gently and she replied with "はい (hai)" which means "yes" in Japanese. Since I know you'll ask, let me explain: Midori knows little but enough English and I know little but enough Japanese.

"Then why does she replies that way to the knock on her door if she is in the United States of America and knows English?" you ask logically. You see, although she knows it's always me, she does it that way hoping that just this time it might be her Japanese family coming to visit. Tragic, I know.

I let myself in with a "こんにちは(kon'nichiwa)" which you must know means "hello". And found her reading manga-Japanese comics she sometimes let me borrow-on her bed. She waved at me and held a finger up without taking her eyes off what she was reading to signal for me to wait until she finished reading the page she was in at the moment. She finished, placed the comic down and straightened her back, making room for me to sit down.

Midori is kinda of my only real friend as I'm always spending too much time in the hospital to socialise or care about creating friendship with anyone from school. I tell her everything. She tells me everything. Besides, we kind of like the same stuff although we know about it from different countries.

"Still into Kuroshitsuji?" I asked teasingly. Kuroshitsuji is a manga that was also adapted into an anime cartoon Midori and I both love.

"Yup! New issue come out on 18th. I finish. You take it home today," she said in English good enough to understand and she handed me the comic with a smile on her face.

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

~~1 year ago~~

To be honest, I don't know what came over me either. I guess it was the daunting realization that my mom was going to die sooner or later and that by being that close to her, it would hurt me more than anyone else.

So, I decided to keep a cold distance.

It wasn't an easy decision or one in which you wake up one sunny day and do just cause "you feel like it". I'm a huge thinker and my mom's sickness wasn't a topic that escaped my mind. I can say I spent months of my life thinking about it and about what it'll be like when the day for her to go comes.

I knew from an early age that ignoring the problem won't make it go away, but giving it my attention wasn't going to achieve anything either. I was no doctor. I was no God. I was useless.

So I turned away from it.

No more movie nights, no more sharing of everything, no more daily visits, no more phone calls, nothing.

I could also note she was getting worse and had less time left by the mood surrounding the family: Dad and the band had broken up, he was almost never home...

Mom and I barely talked and when we did I was cold as ice. She never pressured me. I guess she understood why I was doing it.

Although... I was always there. I did care, somewhere deep inside, I did. But I never showed it.

This was my new law: no more attachment = no more pain.

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

"You think they will come someday?" Midori asked me this question as a routine, referring to her family.

I'm always ready for it because she always asks. "Of course! They love you so much and that's why they sent you here. That's why I'm sure they are doing everything possible to come visit you soon. You just wait and see,"

Her answer was different this time and took me aback.

"I just get so tired of waiting. Do they notice every second they waste is a second closer to my death?"

As I headed back home I couldn't help but think: is every second I waste not telling my mom I love her a second closer to me losing her forever?

-----------------------------------------------------

A/N: So, yeah, there you go, a sneak peak of Jade's life before her mom died. This memories come back to Jade while she is unconscious, in case you were wondering.

Also, I've kind of given up on deadlines. I guess they aren't really my thing. Hey, I'm trying my best over here.

Remember, ASK THE CHARACTERS QUESTIONS AND THEY'LL REPLY ON THE NEXT CHAPTER!