We're not classmates anymore. I passed the comprehensive exam, qualifying me to continue our major. He wasn't planning to take the exam even before because he wants to graduate quickly. I have to study for another year to review for the bar exams while they will be graduating this year.
That being said, we rarely see or talk to each other anymore. We sometimes chat and I tell him about the quizzes we already took up since our class is advance. We never really talked late nights again.
I feel so alone. Even Dessa isn't on any of my classes anymore. I only see them when someone has a party. The last time was on Ella's birthday. I made our group picture as my cover photo. A little while later, they start commenting.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Why don't you just talk to yourself, JB?
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Oh my God! What the hell was that? This is bad. This is really, really bad.
Why did my heartbeat suddenly speed up?
It's just a comment. He always comments on my posts. But he never calls me pretty or anything like that. But it's not as if I want to be called pretty. And it's awkward for friends to tell you that.
What the hell is wrong with me?
"You nervous?" my current classmate, Ronnie, asks me. And of course, I nod.
It's been a while since Ma'am Lyra was our English teacher but I guess I made an impact on her. She suggested making me the representative for the Spoken Words Competition. Everyone in the department is going to watch since it's rare for a non-English major to be chosen for this.
I didn't sign up for this though. Ms. Lyra just got impressed by my essay back when I was still heartbroken from what Yugyeom did. How am I going to say anything now? I've moved on!
"Contestant number three, Ms. Y/N, please come to the stage."
Everyone cheers. I have experienced acting or delivering speeches for school projects but it's like I'm going to do both of that for this. The topic I drew earlier is a bit complicated too.
A prose about remembering.
It would've been better if it's about forgetting but number two got that. Some of the audience are still teary-eyed from her short presentation.
And now, here I am.
"I remember you."
The pianist plays. I requested for Chris Brown's- Crawl as the background music as I speak my heart out.
"I remember you with your head bowed and how I sat on the chair beside you. I remember my curious eyes landing on your plain face. I remember bravely initiating a conversation. I remember my best friend commenting about the game you said you play. I remember you telling her that everyone has different perspectives. I remember my first impression of you, someone who respects others' opinions."
I close my eyes to take a deep breath. I open them again with a small smile.
"I remember you. I remember our friendship's awkward beginning. I remember the small talks we share when we pass by each other. I remember politely smiling whenever you make jokes. I remember deciding that I can open a space in my life for you, not knowing if you will take up my whole heart or just fraction of it. I remember getting used to discussing things with you, from our complicated lessons to our favourite singers to our family problems. I remember you as a conversationalist, as someone fun to be with."
I look at the audience and subtly for him. And there I saw his confused expression. He knows I'm talking about him. The Chris Brown background already gives it away. But even I myself am confused why I chose him to remember.
"I remember you. I remember your fragile side. I remember how you opened up about your past love. I remember how I admired you for being able to give that kind of affection towards someone else. I remember wishing that I have the strength to love someone like how you do.
I remember you. I remember how our relationship grew from what I thought would only remain within those four walls to something that can make the miles between us seem nothing. I remember seeing the potential in you, the possibility. I remember asking for signs if this is it. I remember debating with myself if I should risk this blooming attachment. I remember telling myself that you're worth trying for and at least in the end, I won't look at you with regret that I didn't do anything."
I can see the audience smiling back at me.
"I remember you. I remember taking a new road with you. I remember the late night conversations, the assurances, the promises, the little things. I remember you taking me home. I remember you consoling me. I remember you asking me to hold on. I remember how I realised that they were right; home is a feeling. I remember the side of you that only few will be honoured to see and appreciate. I remember how your plain face slowly changed into something I look forward to seeing every day, how you changed someone full of pride like me, how you became my favourite character in this once upon a time. I remember you loving me and how I reciprocated it with a little bit more."
I remember you and these things pop in my mind when they mention your name. Yes, we may have grown apart in the process and lost each other in the end, but still, I remember you. And I'm glad that every beautiful thing reminds me of you. I'm glad to see you in sunrises even though our love has set. I'm glad that what we had left me with good memories and looking back, I have to admit that they changed me for the better. My love for you changed me for the better. I'm glad to have no remorse. I'm glad that I don't remember you when things are falling apart but rather when things are falling into place. I'm glad to mature into an understanding person in this world full of bitterness. I'm glad that I loved you and I hope you remember me this way too."
The last line came like a whisper. I have to close my eyes and calm myself because I'm so close to crying tears of relief. It took me so long to say those things.
The applause fills the whole room. It grows louder and louder. I open my eyes and see all of them standing for me. Dessa is even crying but she has a proud smile on her face.
