It's been a month since our deep conversation. He asks me when I'll enrol so I tell him that I'll go with Aileen and the gang.
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To be honest, I don't get what he's saying. A part of me wants to assume that the words pertain to me. I was the one who tried to cover up an old love. I admit that I still have feelings for him; I wouldn't stay as he friend after what he did if I don't. But it has come to the point where I just smile to myself whenever I look back to what happened. It didn't hurt as much as when he left me but that doesn't mean I used Jinyoung to forget him. It just shows that I've learned from what I felt before.
But if this is him talking, I have to admire his depth. He says he won't give up on Aileen and it makes me feel insecure. Not because it wasn't me. I'm insecure at him, for being able to feel that kind of emotion. I'm insecure at people who can take this kind of love for granted.
I've been thinking about it. Maybe he was right. I wasn't that aware of what happened back then. I didn't consider what he would feel about the things I do. I became too reckless. I shouldn't have been over-friendly to other guys. Yugyeom and I might not be official, it was almost like that.
What a bliss it could've been if I met him after I've learned. I can now see how different I acted towards him before from the way I acted towards Jinyoung. I could've been this understanding. But maybe that's just it; I need to learn things the hard way.
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And there's my Gyeommie, making anything seem light.
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After all, he's a friend I learned to cherish. Truth be told, he was my anchor from the moment he stopped me from killing myself. When we ended up whatever we had, I told myself that I should redeem my pride. He already killed me by those words. I needed to find myself.
