I LOVED YOU FIRST- an AU ft. GOT7 Yugyeom (xreader)

Epilogue

I think all the people in the world want to be the first priority of their loved ones. To be the first choice. The only choice.

But for me, I don't.

It's hard to explain what we are to each other. 'Friends' is such a derogatory term. We don't just smile at each other whenever we pass by or hang out in the mall whenever we're bored. Actually, sometimes, we look stupid chasing each other on the hallway because he is teasing me. And being the idiot I am, I get really pissed off. He can comfortably put his arms around me or hold my hand as we cross the street. I can sleep on his shoulders whenever I feel like to. We were intimate, and everyone who can see our gestures might think that we're something.

But to say we're lovers is also a bit critical. Our care and fondness for each other is undeniable. But we don't crave for the other's presence. A week passes by when we act as if we're strangers. Then we'll go back to fighting over petty things. We talk about our crushes and neither of us feels jealous.

We aren't really the best of friends since we also have other people we treat as that. Yes, we are open for each other but if either of us is busy, we have other closer friends to talk to. You can say that we're platonically attracted to each other but I do see him as a man sometimes. A potential. But never as the one.

Weird as it sounds, I'm contented on this kind of set-up. And it seems like he is too. If they want to be the first, the two of us are contented of being each other's contingency.

If it didn't work out with anybody else, we'll settle for each other. That's a promise we both kept into our minds.

And it was good while it lasted. Having him beside me is like being home. Even if it wasn't us in the end, because he left me again, we have plenty more lifetimes to meet again.

Maybe next time, I will realise my feelings sooner. Maybe next time, he won't be sick anymore. Maybe next time, we don't need a deadline to make us admit our feelings.

I was lost after he left me. For years, I spent my life like a robot. I kept on working until I have enough money to go do everything on our bucket list. I may have gone astray but I treated this maze as an adventure. And now, I'm tired and all I want to do is rest in his arms.

He was well loved and that's probably why he knows how to love well. Maybe I really didn't love him first. Everyone loves him, not just in the form and intensity that he reciprocates it with. I admit he's also not my first at all. I have loved before. We weren't each other's first.

But my love for him was special. It makes me question my decisions. I had always been confident but he makes me doubt myself. They say go to the choice that scares you for that will make you grow. He was that.

My choice.

My last.

My soulmate.

My true love.

-END-