I LOVED YOU FIRST- an AU ft. GOT7 Yugyeom (xreader)

Chapter 31

A month has passed since we've been engaged. Our parents have discussed about our wedding. We started planning for it but Yugyeom became sicker than before. His chemo had been scheduled. He was supposed to go to abroad for better treatment but he chose to stay. I feel guilty because his eyes were on me as he decides. I can't help but think that I'm stopping him from getting better.

We were set to marry next year, on the same day we first met. He gave me a ring but I use it as pendant on the necklace he also gave me. He said the necklace was supposed to be a birthday gift to me but I was out of town and he never found the chance to give it. He knows how clumsy I get so he told me to keep the ring as a pendant instead of actually wearing it.

"I want to ask you something..."

I put my book down when he suddenly speaks. I thought he was sleeping.

"How much do you love me?"

It took me a moment to find the words to say. I run my fingers through his hair. I remember the first time I met him, the way his hair reminded me of mushroom. When I told him he looks great with a bit longer hair, he keep it at that length. It's only his second chemo session but almost all of his hair are gone.

I clear my throat to prevent my sobs from escaping.

"I love you like how I love the colour black. Everyone sees it as either too dark or too sophisticated. It is dark, but not in the way that bring you sadness when you look at it. But rather expresses that the world needs shade to make everything else look brighter. And yes, it is sophisticated, a classy colour that not everyone can pull off. It takes good sense to find what to partner with it." I look at him to check if he's asleep. He nudges me to continue. "That is you. You are the black in my spectrum. My favourite colour."

"Why do you like black?"

"Well, I could've chosen a bright yellow or passionate red but I chose you. Because you're the shade that makes me feel brighter even though you couldn't get any darker. You are the complicated hue that not everyone gets along with but when they do, they become their best. You may not be there once a beautiful rainbow appears but without you covering the sky before, people won't appreciate those cascading colours."

"I was expecting you'd say something like 'I love you to the moon and back' but damn, you're great with words."

I bite my lip. How can he be this strong? How can he still tease me after all the pain he's been through? I turn my back because I'm close to crying. I don't want to him to see me crying again.

As much as I hide it, I can't deny that the situation pains me. Every time I see him clutching his head, almost trying to take it off him, my heart breaks into pieces. I don't have the power to ease his pain. I'm so useless.

"I really like it when your hair is long," I hear him say and soon, his fingers are curling around the tips of my hair. Ever since he told me he likes my hair long, I maintained it at waist length.

"You told me I'm pretty with long hair," I say and try my best to face him again.

He puts his hand up so I lean closer to him. He starts caressing my hair, and soon my cheek. "You're not just pretty. You're beautiful."

I hold his hand and smile. He smiles back before closing his eyes. As if on cue, my tears start falling. I put his hand down and feel his breath relaxing. He must've fallen asleep quickly because of exhaustion.

"Do not lose your colour," I kiss his pale hands. Even though his nails are almost purple, I can still feel the warmth of his palm. The memory of the first time we held hands flashes before me. "Don't turn into grey, love."