The Coño Boy 1 & 2: Love What You Will

Special Chapter 67B: University Secret Files Continued

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ADMU Secret Files

14 minutes ago.

To My Dearest Secret,

It hurts, Dude.

It really really really hurts.

It hurts not being able to be with you.

It hurts not being able to feel your arms embracing me.

It hurts not being able to wake up with you beside me.

It hurts that I don't get as many chances to show you how much you mean to me. If someone up there in the clouds can just stand as my witness, they know how hard I tried.

It hurts that I feel I have to compete with some guy you've been friends with since you were just barely three feet tall.

It hurts to see you ride that motorcycle as much as it hurts that someone else has earned the right take you home.

It hurts that someone else can make you smile like that.

It hurts to know that no matter what I do and no matter the lengths that I would go to just to keep that promise I made to you last Valentines Day, I still feel like I'm not doing enough; and that the universe is conspiring against me lately.

It hurts that I can only secretly bring that bouquet of flowers and put it on your table.

It hurts to watch that video I sent you over and over and over again because that should have been me with you up there.

It hurts to hear you and your best friend talk about your childhood memories.

It hurts that I had to hide and listen to you guys talk in that open space facing Kostka Hall last Saturday night. I was there, Dude. I wanted to surprise you but stupid me decided to just eavesdrop because I was curious.

It hurts to confirm my fears that he's into you and that he might just snatch you away.

It hurts that I feel you're getting to a point where you won't be so understanding anymore.

It hurts that we could be in the same room and that you won't even look my way.

It hurts to see you walk out on me. To watch your back as you walk away from me.

I did not know it could hurt this much.

I don't know if I deserve to hurt like this. Maybe karma's gone digital to the fastest it can go. I told you na what my plans are, di ba? Why can't the universe just give me a bit of slack and let the days pass without these complications?

Yesterday at the restaurant, I really had no intention of bringing her there. It was my sister who invited her. I know it's not a valid excuse in your eyes but it's the truth. I have been trying to avoid her because of what we talked about in the gazebo, remember?

Isn't it a strange twist of fate that your Mom and my Mom knew each other in college and we didn't even have an idea when we met? Do you know that song, Collide, by Howie Day? I keep playing that over and over.

I don't even know why I'm posting this at a Facebook page. I don't even know if you're here because you rarely use Facebook. I don't even know if you will get to read this. I don't even know if you'll talk to me today.

All I know is that I don't want to feel like this.

I want to go back to those days when none of the things I have come to worry about can shake me.

~Your Coño Boy
[Formerly The Tisoy Guy Seated at the Plastic Bench Typing Away]