Dawning (Dysmorphia Series #3)

Runaway

Florence was shivering, she had changed into Cooper's skimpy tracksuit which was far too thin for September weather, but the the air somehow seemed colder, this was make or break, had she literally cancelled her wedding and changed her life plans to be stood up by Cole?

Of course he hadn't.

There he was dipping through the trees his head bowed in what could only be called a prayer position.

A graveyard wasn't exactly an ideal place to meet, but the two of them had never been ideal in the first place so she guessed it fit.

For once in her life she had nothing to say to him, at all, no well-rehearsed speech about why they weren't a good idea, why she would only hurt him.

Cole sat next to her and for once she fully allowed herself to study him, his brown hair that feel in perfect curls onto his forehead, his shadowed eyes that still managed to project light and the way he made her feel, like she was on floating high above the Earth, wow that was the most sappy thing she had thought of in a while.

"Why am I here?"

Cole sounded tired, really tired like he'd been dragged out of bed for this impromptu meeting which looking at the slippers on his feet, it seemed like he had. Their relationship was far too precarious at the moment for her to laugh at those sheep slippers.

"Your here because I'm no longer getting married and there's a pretty good reason for that"

His expression didn't change, not one bit.

"Let me rephrase that for you Flo, I'm here because you realised that you don't just want one toy to play with forever until you get bored, you'd rather have me hanging on a string to pick up whenever you want to, I'm finally moving on and I'm about to move countries and instead of just being happy for me and staying with Andrew in typical Florence style you've decided to make some massive gesture, hey Cole! guess what I cancelled my wedding for you, my entire wedding now let's freaking live happily ever after!"

Woah, she deserved that but it didn't stop her heart from freezing right over.

"No Cole that's not why I'm here, for once I'm not trying to win some kind of power game, if you leave me now it will be entirely my fault but I don't want you to go off without knowing that I could never have married Andrew, ever, it took seeing Cooper and Sam to realise that, yes they love each other but within five minutes of seeing each other they were arguing, and then they were okay again because that's what love is and I never had that with Andrew, in the two years we were dating we didn't fight once, and that's not the sign of a perfect relationship, that's a sign that there was literally nothing going on with us at all"

The sky looked particularly beautiful at this time of night, well soon it wouldn't even be night, pitch black was blending into a soft dusky pink.

"Okay and I truly believe you believe that Flo but it doesn't change anything, you asked me for two days and I leave tomorrow, nothing is stopping me getting off that plane because like you said before we are doomed, utterly doomed to go around in circles and circles, so I'll miss you and of course a part of me will be sad at what could've been but that's exactly the point, it won't ever happen there's just too much pain"

"But I..."

She wasn't going to say it because that would be the dumbest thing to do, ever.

He was going, there was nothing more to it, she hadn't cancelled her wedding for nothing because she and Andrew weren't meant to be, and she and Cole were clearly never meant to be either.

"For what it's worth I really did love you"

Cole smoothed back her hair and she inhaled,but he merely bent down and kissed her forehead, the kind of gesture a Father would give his sad daughter.

Later, Florence would wonder if maybe she stayed a little longer and begged a bit harder whether he would change his mind, if she spoke more eloquently, voiced her opinions about why she was most probably hopelessly in love with him and had been for three years if he would change his mind, if he wouldn't get on that plane and leave her just as she had left him.

But that's what they were good at, Florence and Cole, they were good at breaking each other and then fixing each other again and it reminded Florence of when she was a little girl and put her mirror doors close together and could see a hundred reflections staring back at her, all identical but slightly distorted, this was them and she doubted that would ever change not unless the Earth decided to tilt on its axis and give them a new chance, in a new world.

So she'd reached out to Cole where he was standing trying so hard to be still and wrapped her arms around him squeezing him so tight that she wondered at the fact that she was still breathing, dreading the moment she would have to let go.

But he wasn't running away, not like she had, they were being brutally honest with each other.

"Be safe, look after yourself and come visit me sometime"

And this time she didn't watch him walk away, she was the one who had the strength to know when the battle was lost.

But maybe the war wasn't, maybe time could heal what her words could not and one day, not anytime soon they would be new people, able to move on and not hurt each other every time they spoke.

That was love, the ability to walk away knowing that both of you would wait and when the time was right, everything would work out.

Florence dropped a rose at Chase's grave before she left and no tears were shed.