Dawning (Dysmorphia Series #3)

Truths Part 3

Cole didn't look up as she approached him, as she got nearer she saw that his eyes were closed, the Robert's brothers had both been blessed with a million eyelashes each, for some reason the thought made her smile.

She doubted she'd be smiling once this conversation progressed, she took off her backpack and placed it down on the bench and then joined Cole.

"Why does this feel like an ending?" were the first words out of his mouth.

Florence shrugged, it was true it was like something was hanging in the air between them, she had the same feeling when her pen touched the paper and she knew that she'd finished a book, their whole lives had been leading up to this moment.

"I just had a conversation with Andrew about everything and I felt it only right to tell you everything because you deserve so much more than me Cole, you deserve more than someone who is ungrateful where you are giving and cruel where you are kind, you deserve more than someone who leaves you when things get too hard, who runs away from all her problems and turns you into a problem when really three years ago your the best thing that happened to me"

"Sometimes I wonder" he cut in like he hadn't heard anything she had said

"What would have happened if Mum and Dad didn't die, if Chase didn't die, I doubt any of our paths would ever have crossed, I wouldn't be like this and as for you, nobody knows but then I also wonder what would have happened if one day when I was riding my bike in Phillipson and I bumped into a girl with doom in her eyes if I'd said something more meaningful, would she have ended up how she did? In a hospital? If I'd told her she was going to be amazing would she have wanted to end her life?"

"Cole don't ever say that, or try to do that you are not to blame for anything that happened to me, I don't even blame the person who wrote The List for what happened to me, it couldn't be prevented and in a strange way it was meant to be, who I am today is defined by the past"

He nodded.

"I got there too late didn't I?"

"No, not too late Cole, just at the wrong time we're two people who met under the worst circumstances and I take full blame for everything that's gone down, frankly I was horrible to you, trying to turn you into someone your not and using you to feel whole again"

Cole nodded once more.

"The funny thing with me and you Florence and don't hate me for saying this is that on paper we would be the couple at the aisle at the end of the book, you loved my brother and your affections would transfer over to me but that's not how I want the ending to be anymore, for so long all I've thought is that if were together all would be good in the world, but I think that's mostly wishful thinking, my accident made me weak, it made me believe in happy endings and fate, it just seemed so much like fate that the two of us would end up together, my love for you could overlook any problem."

She knew exactly what he meant, it all seemed so picture perfect in a dream world, in truth any form of relationship the two of them could have would be messy.

"I still love you by the way, just not in the same way I'm constantly chasing you, desperate for someone who was never meant to be mine and you only want me when you need me"

Every word sent an icicle through her, she really had uplifted the ground her stood upon, she was destructive, toxic.

"All I can offer you is an apology, I do love you Cole, I love you for everything you are and everything I know you to be even if you don't know it, you should know that I told Andrew that under no account do I expect him to ever stop me seeing you and I hope that a small part of you can forgive me for everything I've put you through"

He flashed her a wan smile.

"Consider the forgiving part done"

"So when do you leave?"

"Soon... the company isn't sure on an exact date, but soon, listen Flo, whatever has happened between us I'll miss you, and I also get why you left to go to Colchester that day I need to start a new life and stop living in a suffocating old one, we'll keep in touch, I know we will"

She carefully rested one head on his shoulder, for once not thinking of Chase, the two of them smelt different.

They sat in peaceful silence for a few minutes.

"He'd be so proud of the woman you are today Flo, I know he would"

Today was most definitely a day of weeping.

"Come to my wedding"

It came out more of an order than a request.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, I'll even paint on a smile and pretend to be happy for you if you're lucky whilst all the time my heart will be breaking"

She straightened up and stared at him, was he joking?

He smiled, joking.

"Sorry to break it to you Flo but my world has already started to move away from yours, I think of you only as a friend now, you can tell that to your Andrew, he seems like a good guy and a lucky one but if he ever hurts you I'll break him nose"

She snorted and rested her head back on his shoulder again, for once the air around them wasn't clammy or somehow polluted.

Florence imagined her and Chase almost four years ago in this very same spot under a willow tree spilling their deepest secrets, she'd come here expecting a fight and somehow this had turned into a reconciliation, the Roberts Boy's would always be in her heart, always.

"Well I have a wedding to plan, you probably have things to do and I expect to see you in the church on the 27th preferably without your nose-breaking boxing gloves on!"

She leaned forwards and kissed him on the cheek breathing in that Cole scent with the comforting fact that the two of them were good, for once she wasn't messing around with his feelings, they were actually good.

"I never thanked you by the way"

Cole's voice carried across to her as she turned to leave.

"You might think you owe me a ton of apologies but you wrote me a book Flo, you wrote me a book so really you didn't run away, you just moved on and let me do the same, have fun with your wedding planning!"

Florence watched him walk away to his silver car with a sad smile on her face, everything had changed that was for sure.

But it had changed for the better.

She hoped she still had a wedding to plan when she got back home...