lust; malec au

chapter eighteen

Alec knew that he would have to go home eventually, as he had been crashing with Magnus for the past few days. Spending time with Magnus was great and refreshing, but Alec needed his mother. She was helping him through his eating disorder, and without her he was struggling. Magnus knew of his eating disorder, but it wasn't the understanding that his mother had.

Magnus and Alec ate their meals together, and Alec was slowly recovering. He would push his food around with his fork with a disgusted look, but would eventually push back all of his thoughts and eat it. If he did eat, it was hard to keep it down. Because he had purged so much previously, his body was so used to chucking up everything he ate.

Alec put a hand over his mouth after finishing his pizza, closing his eyes, determined to keep it down. Magnus watched in concern at Alec's determination, Alec eventually shaking his head and rushing away from the table. Magnus sighed as Alec bounded to the bathroom, pulling the lid up and crashing to the floor, burying his face in the toilet bowl.

His eyes screwed shut as he began to throw up, tears welling up in his eyes from the stench. Alec put a hand out behind him as he heard Magnus approach, "No, don't come in here. I don't want you to see me like this."

It pained Magnus to see Alec like this, but he wasn't going to leave. When he told Alec he liked him, it meant that he was ready to take on all of him. The good and the bad. Magnus walked in further and crouched beside Alec, putting a gentle hand on his back.

"It's okay. It's just going to take time," Magnus said softly, Alec sniffling and nodding slightly. He rubbed at his nose and pulled the flush, turning to look at Magnus. "I just thought I could do it now," Alec said, his voice holding disappointment and self-hatred. Magnus saw his self-consciousness break through, continuing to rub his palm gently into Alec's back.

Magnus told him, "You have so much love in your heart for everyone around you, that you have none left for yourself. This won't stop until you realise that." Alec swallowed the lump in his throat, hiding his cringe at the awful taste of vomit still lingering in his mouth.

"Everything is so sad and painful, Magnus. There are countless wars going on where people are dying and no one cares. People are drinking away their problems alone in their shitty apartments, or dying, or being bullied because of their sexuality or race or religion. I feel like I can feel all of their pain." Alec said, not sure where his outburst of negativity sprouted from.

Magnus flickered his eyes between Alec's, seeing the pain unravel behind his eyes. "Sure, there are bad things that happen everyday. But, there's also miracles too. Someone just got told they're cancer-free, a woman who thought she was baron was just blessed with a baby. Someone came out to their mother as gay and was received with love, or married their best friend and cut their cake. There's so much love, everywhere."

Alec felt a small smile tug at his lips at Magnus' words, the images of all of those happy occurrences springing to mind and pushing the negative images away. Magnus smiled at Alec's smile, feeling glad that he was the one who put it there. It was a challenge to get Alec to smile like that.

"We'll clean ourselves up and look gorgeous, and then go for dinner at your house. Sound good?" Magnus said with a smile, putting on a higher-pitched accent for the word 'gorgeous', making Alec giggle. Alec nodded, letting Magnus lift him up to his feet and press a light kiss to his cheek.

The two of them got changed into nicer clothes and fixed themselves up, Alec borrowing a proper shirt off of Magnus. It looked nice on him. Different, but nice. Magnus found it attractive, as he had never seen Alec in anything other than a t-shirt. He looked older.

Magnus wore a dark green button-up shirt that had a pattern of tiny polka dots imprinted on them with skinny jeans and wore his hair gelled up more than usual. Alec found him extremely attractive, and knew that if he came back to Magnus' apartment tonight they would definitely be having sex.