Change of Heart (A Faith-Based Gay Romance)

Chapter 16: "Hypocritical Behavior"

An instant guarded look masked Pastor Bryant's face. He looked like he was about to leap off the front pew and intervene. Although he didn't execute the action, he nevertheless watched Nicholas warily.

The young man took a deep breath and released it slowly, a bit of nervousness kicking in.

You're doing fine, Dean told him silently. We're all right here with you. You're not alone.

Nicholas looked at him briefly, and this time Pastor Bryant caught it. He turned his head and stared at Dean, a shadow of accusation in his eyes; if Nicholas renounced his heterosexuality—it would be Dean's fault.

If they wanted to blame him, then let them. Dean knew the truth; he hadn't coerced Nicholas away from the straight path—he had never truly been on that path. God knew the truth as well. Dean wasn't afraid of their condemnations. They weren't the first to come against him, and they wouldn't be the last. Dean accepted that reality, and with God and Nicholas by his side...he could face it head-on.

Noticing the pastor's tense glance at Dean, Nicholas seemed to grow more nervous. But he didn't retreat. "I can't tell you that if you stick it out and stay with the program, that God will deliver you from your same-sex-attractions. I can't because...he didn't deliver me."

Shocked murmurs swept through the sanctuary.

Nicholas cleared his throat and continued. "I had my reasons for working so hard to become straight. And they were reasons that forced me to push myself until I became convinced—to some degree—that I had been delivered. But deep in my heart, I knew it wasn't true. And at the core of my spirit, I understood that it wasn't God's will to change me." He looked down at his Bible and notes. "One of the most common and popular arguments brought against homosexuality is that it isn't natural. That God expressly created the woman to be with the man, created their parts to fit together. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. You'll hear this eventually in any and all arguments on the bible and homosexuality. But I'd like to point out-"

"Nicholas." Pastor Bryant left his seat and approached the young man. Dean experienced a strange sense of déjà vu as if he were watching yesterday's scene replay in front of him. "I realize how close you are to Pastor Mitchell and how deeply you admire him, but please don't throw away everything you've achieved just because his views have changed. You've come through the fire; you made it. Don't go back. The Bible speaks of returning to sin once you've been cleansed and that the latter end is worse than the beginning."

"This isn't about Pastor Mitchell," Nicholas said. "It's about me."

Bryant didn't believe him. "Then why is this surfacing now, only after Pastor Mitchell returned and spoke to the church yesterday?"

"This reality has always been inside me," Nicholas told him. "Maybe hearing Pastor Mitchell's words gave me the confidence to face it, but he didn't instill the truth of the matter in me—God did."

Pastor Bryant was at a loss. "The enemy is working overtime in our church," he murmured despondently. "I just never expected he would take down two of our strongest men of God."

"This isn't the enemy at work," Nicholas said gently. "And I find it heartbreaking that a simple love between two people—regardless of gender—is viewed as a dark and destructive force. Who are we hurting, Pastor Bryant? How is it harming us by being this way?"

The pastor shook his head. "How is it harming you? Your very souls are at stake. Going to hell is harmful. It hurts your loved ones because they are losing you to eternal damnation. How is it not harmful in every way? Even physically—as you are, indeed, going against nature, violating your very bodies in ways that nature never intended. It is harmful emotionally and psychologically when you attempt to bond intimately with someone of the same gender, as God created the male and female psyche to complement one another as he did their physical bodies. The family unit is naturally comprised of a father and mother and children. What do you think it does to kids to be raised by same-sex parents? They are being deprived of a natural family, as God intended."