Change of Heart (A Faith-Based Gay Romance)

Chapter 7: "In Sheep's Clothing"

Dean left Timothy with Elliot and his family, and promised he would see him again before he left town. It was getting on toward evening when he drove back through town to the motel. He showered and changed into a fresh suit and prepared himself for what he had to do.

He took his time driving to the church, making sure he was just late enough that everyone had arrived and was seated inside. Dean sat for a moment behind the wheel and stared at the illuminated windows of the building. He looked at the row of cars and wondered if one of them belonged to Nicholas. Would the young man be here for the evening service? Even if he believed Dean wouldn't be? Dean was certain his invitation to join them at the service had been revoked, but he couldn't leave it like this between him and his church family. If they allowed him to do so, he would say what he had to say and then leave in peace.

If not for Timothy, he may have doubted that his coming back here was the right thing. But after seeing the boy, learning the true depth of his pain, Dean could take comfort that his return had had purpose, had accomplished something of great importance. Watching Timothy and Elliot together, he understood that two lives had been saved, two hearts healed. And for that, he would not—could not—regret taking his stand today.

There was remorse, but not for speaking the truth.

"Lord..." Dean sighed and laid his head against the back of the seat. He closed his eyes. "Thank you for Timothy," he whispered. "And forgive me for my selfish wants and desires regarding Nicholas. I leave him in your hands, Father, please take care of him. It isn't my place to tell him who he is or who he should love. If he and Amanda are truly in love and happy together, then bless their union, Lord, and help me to set aside my own feelings and sincerely be happy for them." He opened his eyes and warm tears slid down his temples. "Give me strength to make you proud."

He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. He left the car and walked up the concrete steps to the entrance doors and stood for a moment, just listening as the congregation began to sing a hymn. His heart ached for the embrace of his family. He loved this church, these people, and it hurt to think that he was no longer welcome. If he was turned away, then maybe it was his own fault. He hadn't treated them like family today. Had he done so, then perhaps his words would have been better received.

"Help me, Lord." He quietly opened one of the doors and the music and voices magnified. He stepped inside and gently closed the door, then stood in the back for a long moment, savoring the familiarity of it all. The singing had been his favorite part of the services. He'd never made it through without shedding tears, so strong was the spirit of God in this little church. He felt him here now and that comforted him. They were all still family in God's eyes, despite the hurt between them. Somehow...someday...God would heal that hurt.

Dean's focus shifted from the song leader—Pauline Mayes, a sweet elderly lady who made the best ginger cookies in all the county—to Pastor Bryant who sat off to the side in a cushioned chair, singing along as he waited to begin his sermon. The man's eyes were closed, his bible on his lap, his face turned up to heaven as he praised God through the hymn. Dean looked at the parishioners, searching and finally locating Nicholas sitting near the front, Amanda at his side. A lump formed at the base of his throat, and for one last time, imagined what their life could have been.

When Dean looked forward again, Pastor Bryant's eyes were open, his stare locked on Dean. The man rose from his chair and walked off the platform, approaching Dean from down the aisle. Dean swallowed and went forward, meeting him near the last row of pews. A few of the people turned to see where the pastor was going and were clearly shocked to find Dean present at the service. He glanced at Nicholas and the young man was staring at him, a glimmer of tears in his eyes. He looked away and leaned forward, elbows on his knees as his head ducked and fingers laced behind his neck. Amanda glanced uncertainly at Dean and gently rubbed Nicholas' back, speaking quietly to him.