Change of Heart (A Faith-Based Gay Romance)

Chapter 3: "Moment of Truth"

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Dean took deep, calculated breaths, his grasp on the podium a death grip. He stared down at his notes while the parishioners settled in and prepared for his speech.

Walking over to stand beside him, Pastor Bryant took the microphone from the podium and smiled at his flock. "Good afternoon," he said. "I want to thank you all for coming to this special service to welcome home our former youth pastor, Dean Mitchell. Pastor Mitchell has made a long drive just to be here with us today and is surely exhausted, so I would like to respectfully request that you save any in-depth questions and comments for this evening's service, which Pastor Mitchell has agreed to attend to fellowship with us all and address your personal questions."

Soft applause swept like a wave through the church. Dean looked at the faces; large smiles, eager eyes. Many were people he had counseled in the program. There were also many faces missing. Program dropouts? Perhaps some had simply moved away. Others...come to the same enlightenment as himself? His gaze lowered and settled on Timothy. If he saved just one life here today, it would be worth the excommunication he would likely suffer for the stand he took today. He was convinced that his invitation to attend the evening service would be withdrawn.

Pastor Bryant continued. "Most of you know Pastor Mitchell from his years of dedicated work in the Purity program, founded by Jack Hayden and sponsored by many churches across the country. Dean made a difference in this church, and in our struggling youth seeking help to live a holier and purer life for God. He saved many souls as he shed light in a very dark place." The pastor's gaze drifted down to Timothy. "A place so dark that, to some, there seemed no escape, no redemption. But God is stronger than anything the enemy inflicts upon us." He raised his eyes. "And Pastor Mitchell understood that truth and, like a true soldier of God, fought that battle right alongside our children, unwilling to lose even one." Again, he glanced at Timothy who remained with his head down, his arms clenched fiercely around his body.

Dean feared the boy would run out before he had a chance to hear the message Dean had for him. Please, God, just keep him here. Pastor Bryant is right—I don't want to lose even one.

"We were greatly blessed for his service here in our church," Bryant said, looking at Dean with fondness. "And regretful to see him go. Join me in showing him how much we've missed him and how grateful we are to have him back, even if it is temporary." He began to clap and the congregation joined him until the sanctuary echoed with applause. When it quieted down, Pastor Bryant smiled. "Without further ado, I will turn the service over to our esteemed guest." He replaced the microphone then hugged Dean before leaving the platform and taking a seat with his wife on the front pew across from Timothy.

Dean quietly cleared his throat and straightened his notes. He took a deep breath and looked out over the small sea of faces. "Thank you, Pastor Bryant, for your kind words. And for this wonderful welcome." He gazed at the people, his voice softening with emotion. "I truly feel like I've come home to my family. I've missed all of you..." his eyes touched on Nicholas briefly and the young man smiled back. "...very much." He gripped the edge of the podium again, his heart pounding. "I asked Pastor Bryant if he would grant me this opportunity to speak to all of you concerning a matter that has been weighing heavily on my heart for some time now. I hope you will bear with me and hear me out. Though, fair warning, I can't promise it will be brief."

Quiet laughter rippled through the sanctuary.

He breathed out slowly and tried to calm his nerves. They didn't calm. "Most of you know my story, how at the young age of thirteen I became aware of my same-sex attractions. Like many of you, I was raised in a Christian home and believed that homosexuality was a sin. That a person could not be both gay and Christian." Heads nodded and soft murmurs of agreement sifted up to him. "I was scared. Terrified. I loved God with all my heart and was so afraid he would forsake me. I know for many of you, I don't have to tell you what that depth of despair does to a person's mind, spirit, and even physical health. For those of you lucky enough to have never experienced it...it is quite literally hell. You are caught in a battle between the flesh and the spirit, and it feels as if you are being torn apart from the inside out. Everything you hold precious—your church, your family, your God, your very soul—is hanging in the balance, ready to be ripped away from you if you can't conquer this one thing. This unacceptable attraction that you didn't ask for, that you didn't want, yet it's grip on you seems unshakable...unbreakable."