Ashes [Haylor AU]- Smoke Sequel

Chapter 23

Chapter 23:

Songs for this chapter- How To Save a Life by the Fray and Strong by One Direction

Harry's POV

I had to admit it was sad that I was so dependent on the stuff. But it did help me through my darkest days. It erased the pain but also the moments that I had with the love of my life and my family. But it's ironic on how because those things were destroyed because of it, and now it was my home and I could not escape that sweet burning that came along with it. When it ran down my throat and I could feel my mind slowly become numb. It was the kind of numb you needed when you wanted to forget all of the shitty things that have happened in your life. It was now like an extra appendage. Something that you had to keep attached to you. About as bad a as drug. Maybe even worse. Atleast drug addicts liked to be alone when they did their drugs, but drinking only made me lonlier and longing to be around people. It was a cry for help and when people offered the help it was the wrong kind. I needed help in resolving my ruined memories, not getting off of the stuff. There was a difference in which no one understood.

But I had been on the other side. Watching the woman I love fall under the same spell of intoxication. She had drowned herself in the worst ways, wanting to forget those night terrors that woke her up from the darkness of slumber. The shattered girl she once was has become strong and remembered why she lived. Remembered that life is for  the living. That you were pretty much dead if you didn't do anything make the situations better. She eventually forgot those horrid images in her mind and focused on what made her happy. She overcame the shadow that clouded her life. It did take her sometime to quit her habit.

It would not be an easy road for me, I can guarentee. Especially since I was know for my partying and constant bar hopping. She knew and that's why we let eachother go. I picked the bottle over her and I can't say I was proud. It had to happen for me to see what I was missing and I wasn't going to let it happen again. I needed to clean up my act and for whatever reason she was put on this planet to help me. My guiding light and my other half. The one that I had taken advantage of and ruined so often. She was also my last hope. She was the one who could pull me out of this coma. The one who could make my days shine brighter. She has always been that one, but she just needed to find herself before she could find me.

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"Are you alright?' Taylor asks as we sit down at the small bar, waiting for our seats for this resturaunt. Today was our last day of vacation.

"Yeah," I reply watching the bartender pour the patron and tequila into the shot glasses.

"I think I'm going to get a coke when we sit down,' She tries to distract me.

Who knew how hard it would be when I was actually trying to quit. This is how I truly knew I was an alcoholic. Every inch of my mouth was craving the posion. Even more than Taylor's lips. But I knew I had Taylor.

'I'm serious Harry, are you okay?' She asks again, looking at me with concern. Filling me with guilt.

"Yeah. I just need to sit and eat. I haven't all day," I remind her.

"I wish you would have got some breakfast from room service. It was exquisite," She gushes. 

"I know. I just have had a stomach ache all day," I lie. 

After Taylor had asked me to give up drinking two days ago I hadn't been the same. Normally I would atleast have a beer on a nice vacation like this. Even when I didn't need a distraction my body called for it. It was just plainly addiction. I needed it more than wanted it these days. I needed it to numb the pain of my father's mistreatment as well as because my physical locomotion wouldn't even work correctly. Like eating had become a problem as well as sleeping. 

Typically the alcohol would be the only way I could really sleep. Having Taylor by my side lessened that desire but it was still there. Still burning in the back of my brain. 

"What will you have to drink?" The waiter asks as soon as we are seated. 

"A coke for both of us," Taylor says with a small smile. He nods and then walks away from our table.

I watch as another waiter walks past our table with a tray of mixed drinks. That's how the rest of the night goes. I see a waiter pass by each time with a new set of drinks for a new group of people.  I keep falling in and out of conversation with Taylor. She nudges me lightly and whispers my name a few times. I reply with a head nod or a smile to let her know that I had some interest in what she was saying.

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"You're making me nervous. Are you sure you're ok? You've been distracted all night," Taylor remarkr as soon as we are settling into our hotel room.

"I'm fine," I snap.

She then crawls and takes a seat next to me on the bed. She then places her head on my shoulder and I turn my head slightly to look at her. She looked exhausted and her eyes droop. She then turns to place her face into the nape of my neck and wraps her arms around me. My hand is now over hers.

"What's bothering you?" She then asks.

"The drinking. I am having a tough time," I sigh.

"I know I am sorry I have asked so much of you. But it will be the best," She reminds me.

"I don't know. I'm not so sure," I remark.

"Harry you need help. I got it," She says softly.

"I don't think this way..I need to fix everything," I say exasperatedly.

"You can't. You can only move forward," She says sternly.

"I can't. I'm not like you," I reply and push her off gently.

"Here we go again. Fighting. Because of that stuff. If you need it so bad then go. But don't bother coming back," She sniffles. Oh god I made her cry.

"So you're already giving up on me?" I say and jump to my feet.

"But you're already leaving," She fires back. She was right.

"No..I'm not. I promise," I tell her.

"You were going to. You were going to chose that instead of me," She weeps.

"See there's so much damage that cannot be undone. I need something to get my mind off of it. It's hard to find a distraction. Your company means everything but I know you won't always physcially be there," I explain.

"well I am here now and this is the last day of our vacation..We can figure out something more permenant when we get back. We can even have the boys come and support you-" She goes on until I wrap my arms around her.

"You're right..Later," I mumble.

I then press my lips to the crevice of her neck and she lets her mouth fall open slightly. My hands begin to travel all over her body and she lets it happen. She was one of the ways I could make myself forget all that I have been through. Taylor was on the next level of my addictions and it was unhealthy. I shouldn't need her to help me to forget. But I did and I was afraid I might always.

There you have it! I hope you liked it, I worked extra hard on this chapter. Thanks so much for reading and it would mean the world to me if you would vote and comment <3 I love you all and I hope to update again as soon as I can and maybe update 'Back For You' as well. If you haven't checked it out then please do!