Ashes [Haylor AU]- Smoke Sequel

Chapter 34

Chapter 34:

Taylor's POV

I've spent most of my life trying to make sense of everything. I've spent the most time trying to figure out why everything happened to me and why I have met the people that I have. I've always wanted to know my place and why it was so hard to be put in it.

I loved Jake. He was my first love and the first one to show me that there was more to the world than just sitting at home or going to school. He showed me that there was more than just one fate. That there was more than just getting a job and having a famiy and any other mudane thing in this world. Jake made me feel alive and made the fire cracker inside of my heart explode. But after a while I was pulled back down to reality. I was pulled back down to the real world and realized that you needed to make the right choices when it came to your fate. You could decide your fate and you only.

The Harry came along. He was just my mother's roommate's punk son to me when he first came into the picture. But then he showed me that you could pick yourself back up and start again. Harry had been my cure until he had begun to do all of the things that he was trying to prevent. All of the cheating and lying began and I found myself trapped in this dead end relationship. But the only thing holding me to Harry was my love for him. I have never loved anyone like him. I never loved Jake the way I love Harry.

But once again it all came down to deciding fate. I was the only one who could do what I had to in order to be happy. It had been so long since I felt alive and awakened. Aperciated, even. I decided to distance myself fromHarry in order to snap myself out of this constant sadness. But in the end that only made it worse. I went into deeper sadness.

Now here I sit, eight years from the day I met Harry. He was more mature and the past year had bought us together and pulled us apart more than ever in our whole relationship. Expecting a daughter but not expecting what her child hood would bring for the both of us.

All of what I had just explained was now surfing around in my head. I wanted our daughter to make a better fate for herself than I did. I was stuck somewhere where I wasn't able to become free again. I loved Harry and appericiated what I had for my singing career but I knew in the end I was the one who put myself where I was.

"So are what do you think? Does that story justify a yes to an engagement?" Harry asks.

"What makes you think because you have seen what you have seen, it makes me want to spend the rest of my life with you?" I ask him after a long moment of silence.

"Because I know that I have been absolutely horrible to you since the day we me," He replies. His answers were good at this point and I knew he was only saying what I wanted to hear.

"You have a point," I say. I didn't want to argue with Harry.

"So what do you say?' He asks, his eyes begging me.

"I have to think about it," I say and a scowl forms on his face.

"I understand, but we do need to tell everyone about our child, no matter what decision we finally make," He reminds me.

"I know, are you going to your flat or are you staying with your mother?' I ask him.

"I have to think, I'l call you," He responds.

We then share a long and slow kiss. I could literally feel my hear shatter into a million little pieces as he pulls away.

"I'll tell my mother it's time to go," He says.

"Goodbye Harry," My voice is hoarse.

"Goodbye Taylor," He replies.

He then leaves the room, which gives me time to process what he had just said.

"I saw something on tour that was probably not something I should have seen. But I needed to see it,' He says.

"Ok," I reply and he scoots closer to me.

"This girl in South America came up to me. She was about twelve. Shehad told me how I saved her life and how her dad left her when she was three. It was hard to hear that she never grew up with a father. It got me thinking and it stuck with me. But then I kept seeing all these families that came to our shows. Every little girl with her dad and her mother. It changed me. Whenever I would see a bottle of alcohol, I saw those families and then I saw you. It broke my heart and I had to do something. I wanted to drink less and less...then I did. But of course quitting isn't easy. But I wil try my best,' He explains.

That is what had lead to me think about life in its eterity. I loved Harry and many of the things we had gone through made me who I am. I knew Harry loved me. I knew it and I wouldn't let anyone convince me otherwise. He told me so many times I didn't believe it at one point, but there had been so many intentions of his that made me believe again. All of the lies had been in good intentions, I'm not justifying them, but I knew deep down inside he did not want me to hurt.

He never has and he never will. I know he'll be an amazing father to our child but I didn't know if he would uphold his title as my husband. I don't know if I could bound the cold and destroyed relationship in holy matrimony. It would be the biggest lie of them all.

But of course I still needed time to think.

All right there is only one more chapter I decided. Next chapter will pretty much wrap everything up and then the Smoke series is finished! I am going to then finish Back For You as best I can because I'll be gone for my trip up to the college campus. So I hope you guys don't mind that I won't start another project probably until August. Thank you all for reading and support through the first and second additions of this series! votes and comments would be awesome. So I'll have the final chapter up either tomorrow or Friday, but most likely tomorrow. I hope you liked it!