dear diary | shefani

Entry One

Entry one

Dear diary,

They never tell you how bad high school truly is.

Sure, you may get more freedom. But you only really get that if you're a druggie or developing alcoholic, or in a relationship.

For example, me. Freshman year, I stupidly fell for this senior, named Gavin. Up to date, sleeping with him was probably the worse decision I've ever made. One, it was illegal. Two, he was a senior. Of course he didn't like me, he just wanted my body.

You should've been there when my parents found out.

"Gwen Renée Stefani!" my parents growled. Me, an insecure, dumb fifteen year old had just been found fooling around with a boy four years older than me.

"Mom, Dad!" I gasp, removing my lips from his. I quickly try to find my shirt, which had been thrown earlier.

"Get the hell out of my house!" my dad screamed at Gavin. He, who was terrified, said a quick "sorry" and ran out of the room, quickly putting back on his shirt.

"You are so grounded, you understand?" my mom hissed.

I didn't say anything.

"I don't ever want to see you with that boy ever again!" my dad barked.

I really wish I listened to him. Perhaps I wouldn't be as sad as I am today.

I never broke up with Gavin, unfortunately. We saw each other in secret, until I eventually confessed to my parents when I was sixteen. They don't like me seeing him-but I don't care. I told them if they kept me away from him, I'd move out and live with him.

So, with Gavin I stayed. Because I am an idiot.

A big, big idiot.

I'm now eighteen, and I'm weeping over a twenty-two year old. I caught him cheating with this junior named Mandy at a party HE invited me to.

I thought I loved this dude, maybe I used to. But, now all I feel is hatred. I hate him and the girl he's now with. I hate how I'm blamed for the breakup and he's the hurt puppy.

"Gwen, you need to move on," my best friend, Pharrell tells me.

But, the thing is, I can't just freaking move on! I was with him for four years!

I ignored all the red flags, I guess. But, no one seems to understand that I can't help but miss him. I don't know why I miss him-he did cheat on me.

Ugh, I hate emotions.

Until next time,
Gx