dear diary | shefani

Entry Thirteen

Entry Thirteen

Dear Diary,

Ever since my conversation with Alicia, I've been blocking out Blake. I don't make it too obvious, but Blake finally said something about it today.

I walk out to the ugly yellow school bus after a long day of school. I've been avoiding Blake and the popular posse, getting irritated at Christina and Alicia, and downright being a bitch to Pharrell. No one did anything wrong, I'm just anxious and need some time alone.

In other words, I feel the need to isolate myself instead of being vulnerable.

"Gwen," I hear his country accent that makes me swoon. I ignore him, and continue to walk. "Gwen, what's wrong?" he runs up to me.

"I'm going to miss the bus," I brush him off.

"Fine," he says sternly. "I guess I'll just get on the bus with you."

I stop suddenly. "Blake, you live in Southern Anaheim. Like, really Southern Anaheim. It's at least an hour walk."

He shrugs. "I don't care."

I sigh, turning back around and start storming off to my bus again. I realize he's not going to give up. "Fine. Seriously though, hurry up. They're about to leave."

"It'd be my pleasure," Blake bows as I step up the bus stairs. I roll my eyes so hard that it hurts.

"Hey, Jeffery! It's the hot blonde senior you're always talking about!" some asshole looking freshman laughed. "Oh wait, I forgot you were gay!"

"Shut up, asshole," my freshman friend, Selena says. The boy keeps on laughing.

"I'd listen to her," I make eye contact with the jerk. "Most girls don't sleep with homophobic dickheads."

The bus 'oo's, and I see the boy, who I assume is Jeffery, smile at me. "Thank you."

I smile back. "'No problem."

Soon enough, the bus driver is yelling at us to sit down. Blake and I make our way to the back of the bus where the seniors sit.

"That was really sweet of you," Blake says once we sit down.

"Please," I roll my eyes. "It was nothing."

"Seriously," he persists. "Most high school kids don't have the balls to stand up to bullying."

"Well, I usually don't," I frown. "I only did it because he's a freshman. Everyone knows seniors run the school, especially freshman."

"Well, what you did was still great," Blake gives me a small smile.

I remember why I was ignoring him in the place. I look away from him. "Thanks."

I'm one of the first stops, so we weren't on the bus long. We step off the bus with the other kids in my neighborhood. Blake awkwardly walked besides me as I shuffled home, trying to avoid conversation.

Once we get to my house, I unlock the door and let him him. A part of me wanted to lock him out, but I'm not that rude. We have the house to ourselves again; which concerns me because of what happened last time. Not to mention, he's wearing a shirt that literally makes his eyes pop.

"Are you parents at work?" he asks.

"Yeah," I answer.

"Do you have any siblings?" Blake questions.

"I have an older brother," I reply. "He's in college."

"Oh," he says.

"What about you?" I ask to make it less awkward. "I know you have your younger sister, but do you have any others?"

He takes a deep breath. Suddenly, I feel like I just hit a nerve. "I did. He...sadly passed away."

I feel like a jerk. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked-"

"No," he interrupts me. "It's totally okay. It happened awhile ago."

"I'm still really sorry," I feel so bad.

"It's fine, Gwen," he reassures me.

"No, but-" but, before I can continue to sputter nonsense, he crashes his lips to mine.

It's a passionate kiss, but nothing too explicit. The kiss is over as soon as it started, leaving me wanted more. Only this time, I know my boundaries.

"You could've just told me to shut up," I grin slightly. I'm probably blushing.

"Would you have listened?" Blake retorts.

"Probably not," I chuckle. Then, I remember what Alicia told me. Gavin came flooding back into my memory, and I was scared again.

"We need to talk, though," Blake turns serious.

"Not right now, Blake," I try to cut him off.

"No," Blake holds my hands. "I'm not letting you isolate yourself, Gwen."

"Why do you care?" I sneer.

He takes a deep breath. "Gwen, please-"

"Just break my heart already," I state.

"What?" Blake looks confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I had this boyfriend," I begin. "He cheated on me after being in a relationship for four years. He also told me that he was the only one that would ever love me, and I guess I started to believe him. I was only fourteen when we started dating, and he was already eighteen. I broke up with him recently. I don't know why I still feel attached to him, I just do. And I don't want anyone to break my heart again. I can't go through that pain again."

He looks into my eyes. "Gwen, whoever didn't realize how special you are is an absolute idiot. And, I know I can't promise that I'll never break your heart, but I do everything in my power not to. I know how it feels to be cheated on, and it is one of the worst feelings in the world. I wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone. Let's just continue to take things slow, okay?"

I want to question him on whoever cheated on him, but I decide against it. I just pull him into a hug. "Okay."

Until next time,
Gx

Sorry for not updating, I just needed a little break. I had a rocky weekend. But, I'm back!

Vote and comment :)