dear diary | shefani

Entry Four

Entry Four

Dear Diary,

Is it weird to be embarrassed about liking someone so quickly.

I feel like I shouldn't have this tiny crush on Blake; I haven't even spoken to him. But, sometimes I feel his eyes on me, and I'm sure he can feel my eyes on him.

There's this sort of tension between us, and I can't quite explain it. It's not angry tension. It's more like a lustful tension, maybe?

Ugh, why puberty? Why!

I can't tell any of my friends this, either, so it makes this situation even worse. I don't know why I can't just go up to the dude and be like, "yo, I like you, you like me so kiss me."

I guess I'm scared to open up to another boy again. There's this irrational fear that all men are like Gavin-cheating, rude, sex-craving pigs. As much as I don't want to believe it, I do.

Maybe I'm not wrong. I mean, I could just look around my school and find about over half the boys trying to pounce on girls. Of course, this is just high school, but still.

I've come to an conclusion: teenage boys are disgusting.

It's better this way, to be straight up with myself. It's better than getting my heart broken again by a rat.

Doesn't mean I don't like those blue eyes, though.

I think I'm getting a little too hooked on those blue eyes. I like to think he's hooked on my brown ones. If only he'd have the balls to come up and talk to me.

Okay, I'm telling a white lie. He did come up to me today.

It was English class, fourth period. Once again, the air between us felt thick. The usual reoccurring glances went on. But, then the bell rang. I stood up to pack my backpack, when I heard feet shuffling towards me. How I heard his feet pacifically, I have no idea. I just remember seeing brown cowboy boots near me, and the next thing I knew was me hurrying out of the classroom.

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

I ran down the hall until I bumped into someone.

"Woah," I hear Pharrell's voice. "Gwen, are you okay?"

I pant, trying to catch my breath. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Just don't want to be late for class."

"It's lunch time," he retorted.

Dammit. "I have lunch detention."

"What?" he asked. "You never get lunch detention."

I awkwardly chuckled. "Yeah, well, I forgot to do my science homework last night, and you know Mr.Nye."

He gave me a lopsided frown. "Oh. Well, that's okay. We've all been there. See you later?"

I nodded, stepping away from he conversation. Once I was further away, I sighed.

I couldn't even tell my best friend about the guy I liked.

Until next time,
Gx