i'm gonna love you through it | alemanda ✔

[chapter three]

Amanda

THE PHONE RANG LOUDLY through my house the next day. I had been dreading the call from the doctors' office because of what it could mean for me. It would determine if I had breast cancer or not and I was praying that I didn't have it.

I picked up the phone and answered the call. The results of the biopsy had been exactly what I had been dreading since I had first gone in for the mammogram after finding the lump in my right breast. It was cancerous and invasive.

The only choices that the doctor gave me as treatment was to let it kill me, have chemotherapy, or I could get a nipple sparing double mastectomy to get rid of the breast cancer. The risk of the cancer coming back if not in my right breast but in my left was high so I had decided before I had learned what I had was breast cancer, I would get both breasts completely removed and then go through a few rounds of chemo.

I couldn't imagine my daughters, Hollie and Lexi, living without me if I chose the first option. The second option I still had a risk that I would die of breast cancer and the third was the safest option for me. I had to pick the third treatment.

I told the doctor what we could do as my treatment and then hung up. I couldn't call Alesha yet, although I had promised her that I would call her as soon as I had gotten off the phone with the doctor about the result of the biopsy.

Tears were already welling up in my eyes as I put the phone back down in its stand. I sank into one of my kitchen table chairs at let the sobs overtake me. My body shook as I sobbed. It had sunk it that I had breast cancer and soon I would not have any breasts because that part of me would be removed in two weeks time.

I would lose my breasts to cancer. I would have lost something whether I picked another option and I could have lost my hair or have lost my life because I didn't want to fight the cancer. I didn't want it to consume my life and it already was.

Hollie and Lexi were over at their father's house so I couldn't even tell them what the doctor had said about the biopsy result. I didn't want to tell Alesha either because she would end up crying if I did tell her but she wanted to know the results. She wouldn't want to lose her best friend to breast cancer and Alesha was my crush.

I wanted to have a relationship with my crush before I died, if I was going to. It all depended on the mastectomy and the chemo I was going to have after the surgery to remove any cancer that was still in me that the surgeons didn't get.

I wasn't ready to lose my breasts and I didn't want to but I wanted to stay in the world for my daughters and for my crush, Alesha. I was determined to fight the cancer and I was determined to win, even if I didn't have someone there for me to hold me when I didn't want to deal with the world.

I wanted Alesha to be that person for me. I wanted her to hold me while I was going through treatment and I already knew that she would stay by my side the entire time. Alesha was a loyal friend and that was why she was my best friend. I resolved to ask Alesha to be my girlfriend and see what she would say but first I had to tell her that I had breast cancer.

I tried to wipe away my tears but they kept coming with no abandon. My tears were streaming down too heavily for me to get control over them and try to stop them. I buried my head in my hands and rocked back and forth in my chair, trying to recreate Alesha rocking me like she had been doing yesterday when I had told her that I could have breast cancer.

My way of coping wasn't working and the tears weren't slowing down at all. I needed Alesha to comfort me so I decided that I had to call her to ask her to come over to my house.

Alesha picked up her phone on the first ring as soon as I called her and she spoke, "hey, Mandy."

"Can you come over right now?" I asked in between heavy sobs. She could probably hear me crying and could probably deduce that I had breast cancer so that was why I was coming.

"I'll be at your house in fifteen," Alesha responded. "Do you need me to bring anything over with me? Ice cream?"

"No," I spoke on between hiccups and sobs. I probably sounded like a wreak over the phone to Alesha. "Just yourself."

"I'll see you in fifteen, Mandy. I'm leaving right now," Alesha said in the phone calmly.

"Thank you, Alesha," I whispered and then hung up. I buried my head back into my hands and I was still crying. Not even talking to Alesha for however brief it was had helped the tears to slow down.

I had to get ready for Alesha to come ovwr, which meant I had to get a grip on my emotions. I wipes away my tears and I was trying to force them to stop but they weren't. I went upstairs to my bedroom and laid on my bed, curled up into a ball.

I eventually got my tears to stop before Alesha arrived at my house to comfort me and so I could tell her that I was diagnosed. I rapidly washed my face but it was still flushed and my eyes were red from crying.

Although I had just about cried myself dry, I curled back up into a ball on my bed to wait for Alesha's arrival so I could tell her.

《a.a.》

Hey guys! I was so busy today at a church conference where I was a youth delegate and I had no time to do an author's note. I had a lot of fun at the conference and there was a lot of talking about lgbtq+ members of churches. It was amazing that there are churches that welcome people like me. The entire conference's theme was helping neighbours and that was why the stuff on lgbtq+ people was in it. It was amazing to see so much support!

I hoped that you like this chapter! What do you think Alesha is going to react like in the next chapter? Bye until the next chapter!