i'm gonna love you through it | alemanda ✔

[chapter thirteen]

Amanda

ALESHA LED ME UP to our room, her hand on my arse. Our date had ended and we had gotten home so that meant Alesha was going to treat me like a goddess in bed, like she had told me she would do. Alesha sat me down on the bed and she straddled my waist, sitting on top of me.

"Can we move so I'm not sitting down?" I asked her in between our kisses.

"Sure," Alesha responded and got off of my lap. I laid down in the center of the bed and that prompted Alesha to get back on me. She leaned down, her hair tickling my shoulders as we kissed.

I put my arms around Alesha as we kissed and I unzipped her dress. Alesha stopped kissing me and she slipped her dress off, dropping it to the floor as she kissed me again in just her bra and knickers. We kissed, our tongues starting to slip into each other's mouths.

We hadn't gone any further than this since my double mastectomy. It always ended up with Alesha being naked and I still left in my shirt or dress but with my knickers and pants on the floor. I hadn't let Alesha see the scars on my chest from when my breasts had been removed many times. She had only seen them a handful of times.

I wanted to go all the way with her again but I was starting to have second thoughts about it.

Alesha and I continued to kiss and I got Alesha off of me so I could sit up. Her hands went to the zipper of my olive coloured dress and stopped.

"Do you want to go all the way, Amanda?" She asked me, concern flashing though her eyes.

"I want to try," I replied, pulling my girlfriend into a kiss while she made quick work at my dress's zipper. I raised my arms up and she took the dress of of me. I was just in the bra that I had stuffed to make it appear that I had gotten reconstruction done and my black knickers.

Alesha pushed me down gently back onto our bed and we kissed once again. My hands wrapped around her back, clasping in the middle.

I really did want to try to go all the way and make love to Alesha but yet at the same time, I didn't feel sexy without breasts. She took the tissue out of the bra I was wearing and tossed it onto the floor. My bra had nothing in it now.

Alesha kissed down my neck and to my collar bone, sucking and licking at the skin there. It felt so good but Alesha wasn't making me feel as sexy as she did when I had breasts.

I took off Alesha's black bra while she was kissing my skin. I let out a soft moan as Alesha kissed my skin hard enough to leave a hickey on it. Alesha sat up and took her bra off the rest of the way to discard it on the floor next to the clothes that we had already abandoned.

Alesha got off my waist and she laid down. I knew what she wanted so I put myself into the same position that she had been on me. I leaned down and I captured her lips in a kiss.

While I kissed Alesha, my hands went to her breasts and I rubbed circles on on one of her nipples with my thumb. Alesha moaned and she arched her back with pleasure. Her hands went to my knickers and I allowed her to take them off of my legs so I was just in the bra I was wearing.

My thumb continued to rub Alesha's nipple as I kissed down to her collar bone, leaving hickeys on her skin. I got off of Alesha's lap and she took the opportunity to undress the rest of the way. We switched positions so I was sitting up and Alesha was sitting in my lap.

We started to kiss again as her fingers went to my bra clasp. I was still insecure about that area of me but I let her take the bra off of me. I still didn't feel sexy at all as Alesha made her way down to the scars, moving my arms from where I had crossed them to cover my chest.

"Stop. I can't do this. I don't feel sexy at all, Alesha," I spoke. "I can't do this. I'm sorry. I thought that I could but I can't."

Alesha took her body off of my lap and she sat beside me, pulling me into her embrace. "Don't apologize, Amanda. You could have told me sooner if you're feeling like this."

"I know and I should have," I replied, wiping away the tears that were already starting to form in my eyes. I let myself sink into her arms and she wiped away the tears.

"Don't you start crying on me, Amanda. I'm not going to have any less of a crush on you just because we can't make love. I still have a crush on you because I'm in love with you."

Alesha was in love with me, regardless of how I looked and that just made me burst into tears even more.

Alesha wiped them away with her finger and she started to sing softly, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey so please don't take my sunshine away."

"Why that song?" I asked her, wiping away my own tears.

"Because you're my sunshine, Amanda. You make me so happy. I've been singing it after everytime you fall asleep after you've been crying and while I'm holding you while you're sleeping," Alesha answered.

"That's so sweet, baby!" I said. I kissed Alesha more gently than we had been kissing before. "Can we just sleep naked like we are tonight and cuddle?"

"I would love if we could do that," Alesha replied. "I love you, Amanda."

I laid down underneath the covers and Alesha got under to hold me, her body pressed up against mine. I turned around and I put my head on her chest, a smile already starting to form on my face as the tears stopped.

"I love you too, Alesha," I said as we cuddled.

《a.a.》

Hey guys! I have my phone back and my dad's side of the family is over. I'm finally seeing my cousin that I haven't seen since like summer vacation. I have no idea what they are even talking about right now. It's something about squirrels and now it's somehow transitioned into presents.

Did you like this chapter? What did you like about it? Please comment what you loved about this chapter! What do you think is going to happen next? Bye until the next chapter!